Prairie Winds

Perspective

2011-12-28T19:57:00.000-08:00

I get so frustrated with the standard "Christian" outlook on God's law these days. We've been challenged over the last year to look into celebrating God's 7 feasts and in doing some research here and there I find myself being drawn to this. I'm not rushing headlong into it, and I'm not dragging my husband along. Instead I'm waiting on my heavenly Father. If this is something he wants our family doing, then he will impress that on my Husband's heart. All this said....I find myself very disheartened at the prevalent attitude I find among many "Christians". The attitude seems to say this: "Because Christ died...we don't have to follow the law anymore." which to me is tantamount to a kid saying. "Because Mom and Dad said I'm too old to spank anymore....I don't have to follow the rules. Whoopee!!" No it's not exactly the same thing but it's in the same spirit. It's as if we think that Christ nullified the law, but he didn't...He fulfilled it...like this: There are laws that govern our land. When we break them we pay...a fine, a prison sentence, community service, whatever it is, there's a price for disobedience. Now imagine that someone came along and offered to be your scape goat, so that when you "break one of these laws", whether intentional or not, he'll take your punishment. Does that mean then, that you suddenly decide that the laws no longer apply to you and you can do whatever you want? Of course not. So why do we treat God and his laws that way? God gave his Laws as a standard by which to hold ourselves up against. The law shows us what sin IS so that we can see how we should be behaving instead. Christ died to pay the price for the sins we have and will commit but does that mean then, that the "rules" no longer apply to us and we can do whatever we want...this is where it gets just a might ticklish and I might add, where most of us fell asleep in class. YES, we have the freedom to do what we desire, but if we are saved and seeking after our savior...wouldn't the "desire" to sin, become gradually less and less as time went by? What a slap in God's face when we declare our freedom and go do whatever we want without regard for the sacrifice he made....::sigh:: so all of the above to say this: I was "googling" "why Christians should celebrate the feasts" to find a way to help explain to others why and how we should celebrate the feasts and I came across yet another internet "voice" declaring our freedoms. I believe the way they stated it was that we are all "relieved" of the requirement of celebrating the Biblical feasts. . Just like the example above. Just because you have a scapegoat willing to take your punishment, should you fall/fail to obey...that doesn't mean that the law no longer applies to you. Imagine, if you will, what it would look like if everyone lived that way. Claiming freedom from the laws because of a scapegoat. Life would be ruled by selfishness, pride, greed, envy and every other terrible thing...oh wait this sounds familiar... Listen. I'm not advocating the notion that life here on earth could be a new "Eden" if we all just observe God's laws. This world will not be perfect until he returns and "perfects" it. Furthermore, we CANNOT observe all the laws. For various reasons, many of the laws (temple laws, sacrificial laws for example) are not able to be observed in the present state of our world. But that doesn't mean we do whatever we want and flaunt our freedoms. Observing the Feasts of the Lord is an ongoing study for me. I deeply desire to know how we are to proceed concerning these, but it IS something I will pursue until I have understanding.

The Ultimate Romance

2011-09-29T21:22:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me tonight how God wrote the first love story...No, I'm not talking about Adam and Eve, Esther, or even the Song of Solomon. It wasn't about Abram and Sarai, Isaac and Rebekkah, or Jacob, Leah, and Rachel...He wrote it about you and I...His bride. I'm not sure how a man would feel about being a "bride" but for me as a woman it's powerfully moving....and convicting. I can't speak for others but for me, God has provided a profound and awesome picture of how He loves me through the wonderful man he's given to be my earthly Husband, Pastor, Protector, and Provider...It gets through and communicates the gravity of our situation and the magnitude of His Love for us in a way I can really grasp. Maybe it's this very thing that draws us ladies into the romance books with white knights and damsels in distress...it sure describes the predicament we're in whether we realize it or not...It rocks me to the core to realize that while I view myself as a faithful wife to my earthly Husband...I have at different times in my life betrayed my first Love. How many times have I put others before Him, failed to meet with Him, failed to read His love letters to me, failed to anticipate His return. And yet...He loves me still. So much so that He died for me...in a million tiny ways that all add up to saving me, from the evil one, from myself, from being separated from Him forever. Even more moving to me is that He's forgiven me for my harlotry and selfishness, and is coming back for me to rescue me and take me home someday... Oh to be worthy...to be clean and pure and deserving of that white gown...I know in this imperfect state I'll never be...can't be... but until that day that He returns and holds out His hand... I will be ever striving to show and prove my love for Him, my Prince.

Two for one....I'm on a roll!

2011-08-31T18:46:00.000-07:00

What's the easiest kids meal around?? No it's not mac 'n cheese ladies it's quesadillas. Two tortillas a little cheese some salsa, throw some carrots and apple slices on the table and wala, lunch! This meal was always my easiest go to meal for homeschool lunches. We would school right up until lunch time go in dig the ingredients out and within 15 minutes we were happily munching away...too bad it's not so easy to duplicate with our newish diet. It's been probably a year and a half since we started changing the way we eat and it wasn't until yesterday I finally had a break-through. Here's the recipe we used for whole wheat tortillas.

Homemade Tortillas
2 cups all purpose flour ( I used soft white wheat fresh milled but I'm going to experiment next time with my hard white wheat and I'll comment back on this later. I've been told that all purpose flour is a blend of soft and hard wheat, so I might try that too!)
1 1/2 teaspoons of baking powder (aluminum free if you can, just better for you)
1 teaspoon of salt (I always recommend sea salt)
2 teaspoons of oil (I used butter and will probably in the future use coconut oil)
3/4 cup of warm milk
Mix it all together and roll into a ball.
Knead for two minutes on a floured surface. Dough should be firm but soft.
Cover with a slightly damp cloth and let sit for 20 minutes.
Now take your nice little ball and slice it in half. Roll these two halves into balls and slice them in half too. Now repeat this one more time. You should have 8 little balls.
Roll them out one at a time with rolling pin until about 8 inches in diameter and very thin. We cheated a little bit and used our tortilla press to start off with. It's a fun way to get the kids involved (not like I have a real problem with this...it's actually more like I can't keep them OUT of my kitchen) makes little boys feel like they have big muscles.
I used my big griddle but still managed to really only fit one tortilla on at a time...so mine might have been closer to 9 inches in diameter :) Two really important steps were only letting the tortillas cook for about 30 seconds on each side and then putting them in something to keep the steam and heat in after they are cooked. (next on my want list is a tortilla keeper :) These were so yummy and I can't wait to play around with the recipe...care to join me?

Ok so I said this was a two for one and I saved the best for last. I am so not joking. In a search to find something to go with beans and rice...and rice and beans...and...ok you get the picture. I stumbled upon flat bread. I'm still going to do some experimenting with the cooking process (griddle, george foreman, cast iron pan etc.) but here's the deal folks, this stuff is flat awesome. The bread machine did the mixing for me but it really didn't have to...I'm just...good at delegating...even to machines...so I did! These were so good fresh and piping hot with melted butter on them and were equally (no really!) good when the boys and I split the remaining two today reheated under the broiler. Reminded me of indian fry bread but so much softer and more tender...(thought I was going to say tenderer didn't ya?) Here's the recipe:

Whole Wheat Flat Bread (bonus, someone told me these are Jewish...so I'm hoping I get to eat these in the New Jerusalem too :)

3 Cups whole wheat flour (You can use whatever kind of flour you have, but I used fresh milled hard white wheat flour. Hard wheat is better for yeast breads than soft wheat. Consequently, soft wheat is better for foods that require baking soda or baking powder, like cookies, muffins, pancakes, and quick breads.)
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 tablespoon of honey (or sugar)
2 teaspoons of yeast (or 1 packet)
1 1/4 to 1 1/2 cups of warm water (start with smaller amount and add up to 1/4 cup more if dough does not form into ball)
2 tablespoons of oil (I used butter but could also use coconut oil or olive oil)

I put all this in my bread machine on the dough cycle but if you're more of a hands on kind of gal who likes to feel the power of shaping things with her sheer might...well then here's whatchu gotta do (do you feel the Brando?)
Mix the ingredients until they form a ball then place on a floured surface and knead for about 10 minutes or until you start to feel not so Brando and want to whine to someone but the kids aren't around and the hubby is at work...ok anyway..then you stop.
When you're done kneading take your dough and place it in an oiled bowl and cover (with your trembling arms) to let it rise. Somewhere arond an hour and a half should do the trick.
When the dough has doubled in size, punch the dough down and divide it into 8 pieces. Now let the poor dough rest for about 20 minutes while you (what you thought you go to rest too?) fire up whatever your going to cook these bad boys in. I used a pan I put in the oven ahead of time to get it nice and hot (400 degrees hot). Then I opened the oven long enough to toss two on the surface of the pan and shut the door again...next time I'm going to make the dough into smaller pieces and use my tiny george foreman (since I read the trick is cooking from both sides at the same time)
Ok enough resting, Pull, stretch, roll, do whatevva you gotta do to spread them out to about 1/4 inch thick. Now you cook them. It takes about 3-5 minutes to cook them through. They should be soft and tender. As a side note, I think next time I'll make these by hand because mine were almost too soft and sticky to form and so they were not pretty at all. Doing it by hand would allow me to have a better feel for how much flour I need to add to make the dough pliable but not sticky. Hope you like them as much as I liked mine!!

Growing Pains

2011-08-27T12:28:00.000-07:00

I feel sick...soul sick as I learn more and more. Like a sojourner in a foreign land I ache for what has been lost and I weep for what has been forgotten. I am strangely homesick for what I've never known and yet as the same time, I struggle with giving up what I have always believed. The very magnitude of the deception in even my own life wears me down and makes me soul weary.

Daniel 7 says of satan: "And he shall speak great words against the most High, and shall wear out the saints of the most High, and think to change times and laws: and they shall be given into his hand until a time and times and the dividing of time."

I struggle with reconciling my life to Yeshua's life. I greatly desire to be an imitator of Christ, to do what he did, live like he did, and so I find that once again I must give something up. Something which really wasn't what I thought it was anyway, and I make the sacrifice gladly in a way because I know it draws me closer to him.

Christmas is what I'm talking about and here's why. I won't bore you with the details but I will provide a couple links to two of the sites that helped me make my decision.

This first one has 6 parts but I started the link at Part 2 which is where it really gets into the meat of the subject.

This second one is also a great resource for historical accuracy, and it points out that even though God does indeed know our heart and intent. You can't put lipstick on a pig so to speak. Something that was meant for Satanic worship can't ever be offered to God. He knows what it really represents even if we don't. We can't take our "best pig" and say "I'm giving this as an offering to the Lord, no matter how sincere, because he tells us that it's an abomination in his eyes just like the worship or items of worship of false deities.

My husband is in agreement. We will celebrate The Feast of Dedication also known as Hanukkah just like Jesus did but we have not yet decided as to whether or not we'll give presents. As I understand it there are a precious few "Christmas Traditions" that do not have their roots in paganism and I think these we may continue to keep. Some Christmas carols will still be heard in our house although they will probably be sung year round as hymns. I keep my nativity up year round also and have for a couple years now. We don't worship it, but instead use it to remind us of Yeshua's humble beginnings as a King who made Himself a servant and a sacrifice for us. Thinking on all this now helps me to realize that the wonderful magic of that Season is really the closeness that we feel to our family and God and it's a pity that we've relegated it to Christmas and Easter (that's a whole other post) and left it out of the rest of the year. We won't be giving up snowball fights, hot chocolate, sledding, family celebrations (again, another post), lots of yummy food (I hear Hanukkah is a good opportunity to eat lots of fried food...in coconut oil of course). Eggnog, apple cider, and building snowmen. In the past I've down played winter in favor of Christmas not wanting to take away from the Reason for the Season...which makes me think, maybe a better way to put it is that Yeshua is the Reason for the Seasons. Just like Fall, Spring, and Summer there's so much of God's majesty, creativity, and loving providence to be appreciated in the Winter time. So I suppose I'll put my snowflake window clings up, display my smiling snowmen and enjoy the magic of the season, being together with my family and of course now I get to research how to celebrate Hanukkah with it's 8 days of celebration, now that is a neat history lesson I can't wait to tell my kids about! As always God keeps us learning, and growing and just like my children experience growing pains, we must stretch and sometimes go through a little bit of pain and change in order to grow up in the Lord.

Rediscovering Creativity

2011-07-20T21:27:00.000-07:00

Big John dropped the hammer recently. We're getting rid of the TV which since he's really the only one that watches it isn't going to be so bad. The kids used to watch about a movie a day on the computer usually and so for them it wasn't bad news...until Dad said most of the movies are going too. I explained it to them like this: If the Lord says he'll spit us out of his mouth if we're luke warm (in the middle of the road) we should approach other things that way also. If a movie isn't glorifying to God then it doesn't have a place in our home. Realize, about 4 years ago we went through our movie collection and weeded out anything we found that had adultery, foul language, disrepect of authority or parents, drinking, excessive violence, promiscuity etc. We had been challenged that everytime something of this order came on your TV to shut it off for two hours....how much TV would you watch? At the time we didn't get any channels, currently we get 3, so movies were really more of the issue for us and so we applied the same rule to them. So anyway....most of the movies are pretty clean...but were they glorifying to God was the question. My oldest, Opie was the hardest to convince, as expected. He said "What are we going to do? ...open mouthed and wide eyed, like we sit around all day vegged out and have forgotten how to use our legs and arms. Such a silly! So I told him that it was actually an adventure and an opportunity to use our creativity. A friend helped also to encourage and bolster him when he pointed out that without the TV to dumb us down, creativity will flourish. Think of all the great minds that have come before us...and TV! We usually have popcorn night once a week and it was hard for them to figure out how that would work with a 11 month old and a 3 year old and NO TV !! I too have my doubts about board games with babies...but if people survied boredom for the last 6 thousand years...and we were all 11 months or 3 years old at SOME point....well I suppose we'll find a way! If anyone has any great ideas, I'd love some inspiration! The nice part of this time of year is we're all usually busy until sun down and bed time but winter will be another story, That's when farmers come home....and babies are made haha. Seriously though, that will be the deal breaker when we have all of us cooped up through prairie winters and long weekends. Here's hoping I get some great suggestions!

Big and Small

2011-06-30T06:14:00.000-07:00

I read a precious devotion today and I just had to share. It was entitled "Don't Despise the Small" by Lysa Terkhurst http://devotions.proverbs31.org/ I might be off, but to me it hearkens back to the age old question (in my life anyway) of contentment. There are so many really big dreams swirling around in my head, let me tell you, I've got big plans! But instead of being able to realize these plans it seems my ideas are just pipe dreams. To be honest though, I choose that. Why would I do that? Because first I choose my Husband, Children and Home. I know me and I know that I have to give them all of me FIRST or there wouldn't be anything left to give. Nothing of quantity anyway. The meals would be late and sparse, the home would be dirty, unkempt and unwelcoming, the laundry would be...well have you heard of Kilimanjaro? Sure I could enroll my kids in public school/day care and get out there and live the life I've dreamed of...but then I would be a like a paper doll, no real substance behind me, merely a shadow of the kind of woman I've always wanted to be. So I'm here, folding laundry, washing dishes, tending my garden, changing diapers, and making meals but in the words of the Cat in the hat, "that's not all, no that's not all!" I'm also homeschooling my 11 year old and 5 year old, I'm helping my kids when it's their turn to be "Chef for the Day". I'm kissing booboos and reading stories and treasuring these special moments because I KNOW that one day my world won't be so small anymore, and my moment for "big" will come.

Enough

2011-06-26T18:58:00.001-07:00

We received a challenge at Bible Study tonight. It's a question..."What is enough?" Basically what is it that we are living for, working for, dreaming of? When will you have enough, how will you know? AND is your definition, God's definition? More to come on this.

Being a Help Meet

2011-06-25T20:31:00.000-07:00

Well the goats got out again this morning (third time in 4 days...)so Big John called and asked me to bring the stock trailer down. After an hour of driving around searching we took a break and when we returned a half hour later we could see them from the hill we were on, about 3 miles away. Praise God! We loaded them up and brought them back home, Enough of this foolishness!
Long story short...this isn't about goats, but it IS about me being a help meet and while I don't believe I'm being vain, the last two days I've tried really hard to do and be what my husband needs...especially when that's outside of my comfort zone. A couple examples:

Left my little miss (and the next two oldest boys) at a friends house in order to go help my sweety. It was the first time I'd ever left her anywhere (she's 10 1/2 months old) and she did great and honestly so did I.

Hooked up to the stock trailer twice (all by myself thank you very much...which was actually quite smooth and much less stressful then when I "have help")

In summary...and clarification, it was quite refreshing to really be a part of things that before the babies came along I would have naturally been a part of. It made me feel really good that I can still help my sweety in that way. I'm really not THAT much of a green horn but normally he knows I'm preoccupied with lil ones, so I miss those experiences and Opie goes to help instead. I'm here at home with babies, a home, schooling, and the garden. Big John is at work or in the field. Besides taking him meals, helping him switch fields, running the (rare) errand or working on a weekend project (during babies' naptimes), I don't get to work with him near as often as I'd like...ANYway. It was fun, the goats are safely home (in jail), the kids are (tied..just kidding) in bed and I'm off to follow suit.

P.S. Unfortunately I STILL can't back up a trailer.

Pecan and Banana Bread Pudding

2011-06-13T06:01:00.000-07:00

I did something naughty today...I put my daughter back in bed this morning after I fed her. It wasn't time to get up yet and she kept skirming around trying to fall off the bed, so I put her back in her crib and you know what she did...the little imp went back to sleep right away soo....It's 8 AM and she's not up yet....do you hear the angels singing?? I've already got hard boiled eggs made for our chef salads for lunch, a loaf of bread going in the bread machine and in an hour there'll be a piping hot dish of pecan banana bread-bread pudding on the table for my chillin's to gobble for breakfast. The day stretches out ahead of me, full of possibilities. Plus the promise of very little laundry (waiting for a part to arrive so my sweety can fix my washing machine) finally...an excuse to not do the laundry! Actually it's more of a curse than it is a blessing. Just hoping I can convince everyone to hand wash their undies, hang them out to dry and wear them again the next day!....then again maybe not. ::smiles::
I am SO blessed. Yesterday my sweety helped me catch up with the weeding in my garden. I (and the kids) had been gone to visit my parents and uncle for a week and a half and oh my, was my garden ever in sorry shape! Fortunately now though all I have to is finish extricating my corn from out of the field of red root and then just touch up what we did yesterday. What a relief! I'm also tempted to just fire up the tiller to go between rows and speed up the process. We'll see what developes. I so love days like these where I feel like I've got the jump on the day instead of the other way around...I'm tempted to beat myself up about it and lament and moan that it's rarely this way, but it occurs to me that it might be a tad more productive if instead I just stay on task and enjoy the treat. Maybe the sweetness of this success will be a little bit of a boost to get me up and moving early tomorrow! So the moral of the story would be to keep looking ahead and not behind. God doesn't remind us of our failures instead he's out in front reaching back for us....I'm striving ahead!

Banana Bread Pudding

Enough Banana Bread to fill a 8x8 baking dish cut in 1 inch cubes

(for me it was like 6 muffins or maybe 1/2 to 3/4 of a loaf)

1 cup cream or half and half

2 cups milk

4 eggs

1/3 cup honey (or sugar)

1 tsp vanilla

half cup chopped pecans

*Place cubed bread and pecans on a baking sheet and toast for 10 minutes in a 325 degree oven, (pay attention that the pecans don't burn, that would be a terrible waste)

*While you wait...grease your pan ( I just use softened butter from my table) and then whisk together the cream, milk, eggs, honey and vanilla.

*Once the bread and pecans are toasted, place them in your greased pan and pour the milk and egg mixture over them. Let sit for 5 minutes.

*Place in your 350 degree oven for one hour.

*Serve warm with maple syrup and a tall glass of cold milk!

Precious Moments

2011-05-15T19:20:00.000-07:00

Taking fresh bread from the oven and the smell that lingers in the house.
When my sweety made eggs for me this morning. I love his version of scrambled eggs, more like scrambled over easy eggs, with garlic, pepper, and salt. Yummy!
Doing dishes with my oldest son, joking around, and talking.
24 Gallons of milk in my freezer, Raw and fresh from the dairy. Yellow and Sweet on the tongue!
Watching my husband weld today. Oh how I love that man...it was so refreshing to see him in his element doing something he's good at. It was fun to see him doing something so different than what I'm used to. Fun...and alluring!
Listening to my 3 year old as he sings snatches of "Jesus Loves Me" as he plays.
Making a yummy supper and discovering a new recipe that we all loved. Yay for Mommy and cornbread waffles!
Watching twin newborn kids wobble around this afternoon. So pretty, and adorable!
Allowing my husband to really see my heart on a matter and being successful in expressing myself in a way he understood.
Day-dreaming about the future while sitting in my hubbies "new" '67 Ford that he's slowly been restoring.
Holding our baby kitties.
A huge rhubarb patch almost ready to pick and friends to share it with.
Three perfect pink farm fresh eggs in my 5 year old's T-shirt as he says "Guess what I have Mom?"
Holding my baby girl on my lap, sitting backwards on the front of the 4-wheeler, as My husband led two of our 4-H goats around with our two oldest boys supervising. The weather was so nice. I was in my stocking feet with a blanket on our laps. The engine kept my feet warm ::smiles:: (little brother was napping in the house)
Getting a Mother's Day present from my oldest son (late, but better for it) of Moss Roses, and daydreaming about where to put them.

These are my precious moments...

Finding Peace

2011-05-15T18:18:00.001-07:00

In my last post I talked about my search for truth on the matter of "The Law". Here's what I finally figured out....As I understand it the purpose of the Law in the first place was to teach us the difference between wrong and right and to make us aware of God and who he is. It served as our conscience in a way. When Jesus ascended into Heaven after his death and resurrection, he sent a "helper" the Holy Spirit to be with us. The Holy Spirit became our conscience and the way I've heard it described is that through the Holy Spirit. God is writing (think ongoing process) his law on our hearts. (Hebrews 10: 11-18) That feeling of conviction that you get before, during or after you need to make a decision...that's the Law inside of us testifying to what is wrong and right in our behaviour through the Holy Spirit. Jesus did not come to get rid of the Law, he came to fulfill it. Which means he came to live it out. Perfection in human form. An example worthy of following. And a Sacrifice worthy of the price to be paid. Then he sent his spirit (The Holy Spirit) to us, to help us do just that. (John 16: 5-15) Will we ever be perfect? No, but we should try to do what we know is right (the Law)... So we always say that..."Do what is right." but what does that mean? How do we know what that is? By reading his word, all of it, from Genesis to Revelation. On a daily basis we need to be in his word and then taking it to the Lord in Prayer. Salvation doesn't come by obedience. Rather being saved should make us desire to obey his Law. His Law is after all a picture of Him and that is what we want to be like. .
So on this journey, I have come to believe the above and also that since God made the Sabbath to bless us, that we should take that gift he's offering to the best of our abilities. "Do we have to?" Isn't the question. "Have to implies our salvation hangs on it....But what I found is "Why wouldn't you want to? It's a gift from your creator because he knew you'd need it. Our Salvation is not pinned on it, but like all the rest of the 10 Commandments that we hold so dear, celebrating the Sabbath is important for keeping our lives in balance. Try to make life easier on yourself Friday night through Saturday. Spend time with your family and other believers, in the word, discussing the word, praising God, playing, relaxing, resting. I think the key is to keep God central always in all that you do, not just Saturday. I think if we do this that it won't seem so strange or restrictive to do this on Saturday too. Celebrating Sabbath is very new in our home and so far God has not brought my husband to quite the same place on this issue, but I'm not going to win him over by nagging, back-biting, or arguing my point. I'm just doing what I can, as I can, and taking each week one at a time. I'd like to get to the point where I have extra meals set aside for the crock-pot, reheating or eating cold. So that I truly will get to have a day off each week. I notice that increasingly I have become irritated that I don't get a day off...when really it's me that makes it that way. I can't tell you how many times I've lamented that Daddy's get the weekend off (which honestly isn't usually the case for my man but still, sometimes....) and Mommy's work 24/7. By planning ahead and observing the Sabbath like the example God/Jesus set for me, I CAN have a day off to rest and restore my spirit, and my physical energy as well. God truly thought of everything. Isn't he an Awesome God?!
I'm learning much more but this is just a little bit that I am convinced on. I have to thank the Lord for giving me a renewed thirst for His Word. In getting into His Word I'm also finding that it is renewing my confidence in my Salvation as well. Where in the past I've been doubtful (that's right where Satan wants us) I am increasingly more assured and peaceful about truly believeing my salvation is secure and that I will not be one of those saying "Lord Lord" that he doesn't know. I DO know Him and I DO love Him, and I feel His Holy Spirit in me, guiding me and directing me. I've just been so consumed with fear that I focused on my fear instead of His Word. It is a moment by moment battle for me. But God is on my side. I hope this post blesses someone!

Updates from Windy Hill

2011-05-03T13:46:00.000-07:00

Ahhh and peace descends on my house. Babies 3 and 4 are napping. Mommy finally has finished her last assignment for the children's writing course and will mail it in the morning, and she's just enjoying the quiet! So glad to have that burden off of my shoulders. I'm not saying I'll never write again. But let's just establish that for me...right now might not be the time. In re-reading my last post I thought an update is in order. I got new glasses and found out that my eyes got less near-sighted so after a new pair of glasses (new prescription) I'm all better. I've only had one migraine since but I'm pretty sure I can link it to mostly stress. ::Memo to self, Avoid stress like the plague:: and maybe too much MSG. Time will tell.

Currently on my agenda is to get a few more things planted in the garden, Namely my corn and some very late potatoes. All my other little baby plants are growing gung-ho under my grow-light and are very eager for their new homes in the garden. We had a freeze warning last night though, so I suppose it's a good thing I haven't done something crazy like plant them early. We're down to about 10 goats left to kid and I'm so eager for that to be done with. A week and a half ago someone gave us two newborn kids who's mama couldn't support them. Right on the tale of Opie's goat kidding a very weak little doeling. Both Opie's doeling and the orphan doeling died but the little orphaned buckling is doing great with his new mama, our former milk (for soap) goat, (Thank you so much Lindsey!)

Ask me about the goats another time and I'll give you an earful!...

Besides gardening, and normal house-work, My two oldest have really surprised me in the reading department. Opie spent the week leading up to Easter with his nose in a book the whole time (this is the child who used to cry when I told him it was reading time!) He finished that book and is eagerly reading away on his Bobbsey Twin adventures which he gets such a kick out of. THANK YOU ROBINSON CURRICULLUM!! Farmer Boy too has really thrown his Mama for a loop. Suddenly out of the blue he knows all his letters and their sounds and wanted to start our Hooked on Phonics program for Kindergarten. So I let him start it the week of Easter and he's just zooming through it. I'm going to have to force him to slow down so we actually retain some of this.

In other news, I've once again picked up my crochet hook, this time to fashion a hat with interchangeable flowers on it for my little princess....So far, while it's going fine...it just looks like a deranged jelly fish. I'm only manageing to get about one round (40 stitches) done each day. I'm also trying to work myself back into reading the word on a daily basis. I've been very confused as of late about what role the "Law" or "Torah" should play in our life. My husband and I are both being convicted on observing the Sabbath and doing it on Saturday. The crux of it for me right now is this: How do we follow the "Law" without becoming legalistic about it, which has been a real temptation for me in the past. So here's what I found out...Following the law doesn't save us, Jesus did, or else why did he die and rise? I already knew this part but there's more. I needed to know what we should look like as his followers in this present age? If we love him, we desire to serve and obey him right? So does that mean I need to go back and find every law in the Old Testament and memorize them? Is that really how God means for us to live? My Mom suggested that I simply immerse myself in his word, and that's exactly what I've been doing! Honestly right now with the writing assignment of my back I feel like I've got a world of possibilities! Well off to the garden to get those potatoes in the ground and maybe the corn also. ~Toodles

On A Mission

2011-04-08T12:59:00.000-07:00

After almost a week of headaches and wiggly vision accompanied by light sensitivity...I think I'm have a reaction to too much time on my computer. I read an article that says as little as 2 hours a day on the computer can harm your vision....so....I'm trying to limit us each to 1 hour on the computer a day. So whilst my cute little timer ticks it's way to the "0" I'll share my story with you. There hasn't been a whole lot going on here...just enough. We came down with Influenza B and this led to a vow on my part to start stocking a natural medicine cabinet. It also led me to start researching books on growing, preparing, using herbs and aromatherapy. That's my new "thing" ::wink:: With the boys help on Tuesday we got the following planted in the garden with it's awesome new raised beds that are 3 railroad ties tall. Pictures to follow later (3 of the 5 are done). Radishes, Vidalia Onions, 4 Varieties of carrots, 3 Varieties of Lettuce, Yellow Snow Peas, 2 Kinds of Marigolds, Green Beans, Spinach, and Chives. Today I'm going back out to plant Snow Peas and Cabbage. I'm eagerly looking forward to establishing my new herbs also. Yet to go in the ground are Parsley, Cumin, Oregano, Thyme, Rosemary, and Sage, MAYBE some mint in a container. I also need to get my flowers started inside for my planters. Probably one of the neatest things going on though is that a friend of mine wants to make goat milk soap and so I was happy to tell her that (this part is sad) one of our Goats lost her baby and so she has milk and noone to drink it...So since my friend lives a few miles away. I'll milk for her in the morning (takes only 5-10 minutes) and she'll milk in the evenings. It saves her one round trip a day and in return she' s going to supply me with raw honey (5 lbs a month!) I'm so glad that I can help her in her endeaver and it's so neat to reinstate the barter system. Well I've got 11 minutes left so I'd better wrap this up! Tomorrow morning I'm off to update my eye prescription (first time since '06) and won't it be nice to see clearly again! Toodles

Does this make any sense??

2011-03-17T20:08:00.000-07:00

So... I had this almost brilliant thought tonight...I think. Along with my various quests for a healthier family via healthier diet, I'm trying to find a healthier way to eat pasta without sacrificing all the things that we love about it. So when I unpacked my latest bundles of wonder from Azure Standard this month, I lovingly took out three shiny new packages of corn pasta...and after a simple and normal (the same as durum wheat pasta) preparation. We decided... it was wonderful! I honestly don't know much about it right now so maybe I shouldn't get my hopes up but here's what I'm thinking. If the push towards healthier food is also the push towards more traditional eating and preparation...well then maybe I'm on the right track. Some form of sourdough or flatbread is the traditional bread but if I read (past tense) my Nourishing Traditions correctly it says that the proper way to prepare corn flour/meal entails a process that has to do with soaking the corn in lye which is supposed to unlock the nutrients for us to get at...again, some of this is surmise because it's been a while since I read it and currently a friend is borrowing my NT book. See the idea is that grains are meant to be dispersed through consumption...not so much digested. So they have a protective coating on them that makes them pretty much indigestible....think how poop looks after corn has been consumed (whether cow, or human) So Traditional cultures found ways to unlock the nutrition in the grain which has a natural side effect of also making it more easy to digest. Fermentation! or Sprouting! Now I used to soak my flour, but since my family wasn't having any obvious problems with eating whole wheat bread prepared in a more common fashion...I stopped doing that (again with no obvious problems). I say obvious because there are always little things here and there we might not make the connection to right away, but so far I don't see any problems. Anyway all this to say that just like wheat flour, corn flour can go rancid by sitting on the shelves for a long period of time so...just like buying whole wheat flour from the store...your taking a gamble that your getting any nutrition out of it at all by the time you've made it into something edible. That said...while I DO have a grain mill which I use for grinding all my wheat flour for our bread...and while it CAN also grind sweet corn (and I plan to use it for this hopefully after a successful garden season and corn drying process this fall) I will NOT do the whole lye thing...right now. Mostly because it scares the geewhillikers out of me. So...anyway that brings me back to purchasing corn flour (not meal) from the store. Flour that "says" it's been processed with lye. I initially purchased it to make tortillas with...(that's a whole 'nother post) and have kept it in the freezer. BUT I'm wondering if I could make my old fashioned "egg noodles" with the corn flour instead of the white flour I used to use or the whole wheat that produces a more gritty noodle, and actually have a healthier product and not just a different one.???

Just Thinking...

2011-03-11T20:03:00.001-08:00

Not a lot to share tonight but it hits me at the core...In the aftermath of the trajedy that has occurred in the Pacific today...it makes me ponder how close we are to Christ's return and that thought brings out mixed emotions in me. For as long as I can remember I had envisioned being a mother someday and when I would think about it. I always imagined daughters...so having 3 boys was an adjustment (but a wonderful one). At the same time though, when people would ask me what I wanted for a birthday or Christmas, my first automatic thought was always..."nothing you can give me" because my hearts desire after pleasing the Lord...was having a little girl. Tonight as I was cuddling her before bedtime I marveled at this sweet little bundle in my arms. I'm so looking forward to watching her grow and be a part of our family. It's not that my boys aren't special but in some ways a little girl is more exciting just because she's different. I've got at least 9 years of on the job experience with boys, but a girl...well that's a horse of an entirely different color. I want so badly to watch my daughter (and sons) grow and to get to know them. I want to see Teagan being a silly little girl with pig tails and a baby doll, I want her to want to be like Mommy, I want to teach her how to cook and garden and sew, I want to be there when she gives her heart to the Lord, I want us to be close as she becomes a preteen, I want to be there when she's a newlywed needing cooking advice or needs reassurance with a new baby... and I wonder if I will get to...I know that even without Christ's return...nothing is a guarantee, but I have my hopes... So that leads me to ponder what Heaven will be like and will it be so incredibly awesome and beyond comprehension that none of that will really matter anymore...just in case it doesn't happen as I'd hoped? Just thinking...

Time to Start Lunch

2011-03-02T09:27:00.000-08:00

::strangled scream:: How do these uber women do this? I feel like I'm bursting with inspiration and creativity and I have absolutely no real time to do anything...I want to make patchwork curtains for Teagan's room...but she's sleeping...in her room...with my sewing machine...and the windows...Once again I'm sending Opie out to check on the goats for me...I should have been out there myself a couple of hours ago...Please Lord don't let us have lost any. To make it all even more chaotic Farmer Boy and Bubba are harassing me to print things out for them and vying for computer time. ::sigh:: Please allow me some patience and perspective Lord. They are little right now and they need me...everything else on "my agenda" needs to come second. On the up side, two of the kids are doing school, the bread is almost ready, and I've got tomatoes thawing on the table to make tomato juice (for chili tomorrow). I'm going to get the sewing stuff out of Teagan's room today and get my recliner moved in there along with a lamp and side table so I can cuddle comfortably with her in there. PLUS I can then actually use my sewing machine when she's napping without waking her. It surprises me as I get older that the things that were "mine" are suddenly becoming my children's...Opie has my first cowboy hat and leather wallet, Farmer boy has my alarm clock/radio, My Missy Mae will have my lamp and giant dollhouse...little by little my things are becoming there's and somehow it all seems just...right. Bubba doesn't have anything of mine yet though...I think I'll dig out my teddy bear and give it to him since he loves stuffed animals! Thank you Lord for distracting me....guess it's all really a moot point anyway since it's time to go start lunch.

Just Kidding Around

2011-02-22T09:37:00.000-08:00

::Sigh:: I know I should be doing something right now...but I can't remember what. I got up around 7:15 (I think) and had to "doctor" a baby goat that had hypothermia. I threw some towels in the dryer to warm them up, filled a gallon ziploc bag with hot water and started warming some water in my kettle for electrolytes to feed the baby with a syringe and stomach tube. After being swaddled in a warm towel with a "hot water bottle" of sorts, and some energy in his system, the little guy was doing much better and was ready to take back out to "Mom". But before that, I helped my sweety out in the barn getting our adopted bucklings to nurse on their new Mamas, took a whole bunch of pictures to post on facebook of the 23 "babies" in the barn, made breakfast, washed dishes, fed Missy Mae, got Mason started on school then after reintroducing "Jacob" (the buckling we warmed up in the house, so dubbed by my Sweety) to his Mama and sister (Rachel) then I came back in started a load of "goat laundry" and swept the porches and kitchen and did some "goat dishes" too :) I'm still having a little bit of a hard time using my "kitchen dishes" for the goats, not to mention my towels. It would be so nice and ideal to have an insulated room in the barn that could house an old washer and dryer and a sink, basically a wet room which we could use for all the goat's needs. I'm not trying to act citified but I don't like the whole "sharing" thing. AND I actually ::gasp:: washed my coat and coveralls the other day because they were covered in afterbirth, poop, and hay dust. I even washed my gloves...several times, and am thinking that I need another pair for a spair. Oh I remembered what I'm supposed to be doing...Making Lunch! Better run and do that, before I know it I'll need to go out again and make sure that the new babies are eating and that there aren't anymore "new" ones!

A God of Surprises

2011-02-16T06:19:00.000-08:00

Yay, our Azure order came in yesterday and our fruit baskets are once again overflowing, not to mention the yummy 4 color mix of peppercorns for our table, a replenishment of the all-important garlic powder, a case of kefir for our bi-weekly after-supper fruit smoothies, and a few other items that we welcomed. It's been tight here lately as far as groceries are concerned (a few other ways too) and so it's forced me to bring out some ingenuity and creativity with respect to our meals. Still waiting for the tortilla press we ordered via e-bay last week (money from Mamasita). At least having that would allow me to make some tortillas (instead of buying them...or what we're doing know, which is going without). It's an initial expense (that I couldn't afford) but one that pays out in the end. So when my Mom sent some money I invested in a tortilla press and a toaster oven (to replace the microwave, still struggling with heating up leftovers without a million extra dishes). Wise decision? Not sure yet....Anyway, I feel like lately we've been eating mexican-american food a lot. Taco Turkey Meat is super cheap at our local Wally-World and so it stars frequently in our cast of foods for supper. We've also had a lot of pearled barley and brown rice (neither the instant kind). I'm thinking since I finally got the bread made yesterday that we'll have grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup for lunch but that still leaves me sort of dangling for supper. Is it Friday (grocery day) yet? I'm so tired of beef cuts (in the crockpot) and ground turkey meat in one variation or the other. So... I'm buying a chicken (to rotisserie in my new convection oven) and a turkey ham this grocery day. I'll also be picking up some frozen spinach to go with the free cream cheese and the not so free parmesan I've got in the fridge. We found out we really love it like that! AND you know what Shirley temple says..."ya gotta eat your spinach baby!" (from "Poor Little Rich Girl") Anyway, I shouldn't complain I know, when there are starving children in africa (and probably many other places also). My Mom says that as a child when I was told that, I offered to send my food that I didn't want to those poor children. And who says I don't have compassion? In all actuality, being a home-maker for me is an adventure and a challenge. How can I stretch the money to provide us with a yummy and nutritious variety that won't leave us still hungry? And I really am grateful for everything we have. I guess I'm just spoiled. Really the pioneers mostly just had corn meal, beans, salt pork, and molasses. talk about lack of variety. I bet when garden season rolled around it was better than Christmas. No wonder there was such a frenzy and a determination to put up anything and everything that came out of the garden to last you through the rest of the year. I'm so hopeful that my garden will produce well this year and that even more than that, I'll be able to put up quite a lot. We planted our seeds in our little black compartmentalized tray under the grow light in the basement a couple days ago. Here's hoping that everything comes up and does what it's supposed to. I don't have too bad of luck with doing them this way but I've had a few strange things happen. One year I grew mushrooms (on accident) in an egg carton and I also grew an albino plant (pictured at top) I guess all this to say that God is full of surprises for his children, and I'm expectant...not demanding (there's a difference) I'll be praying for a blessing soon, something surprising and wonderful to encourage us (especially my sweet honey) as we struggle through this valley.

Milking Lessons

2011-01-30T14:21:00.000-08:00

I milked my first goat this weekend and found out...I just might have a nack for this...too bad I don't like the taste of the milk. I have also established that meat goats...were NOT made to be milkers. After observing a milk goat being milked with two hands and producing an amazing amount of milk in less than a minute...yeah, the 3 dinky little teats our new Mama has are a sorry sight in comparison. She miscarried her two kids Friday morning early and so we had to find her a couple of replacements. She took the first one pretty well but he doesn't seem to want to eat and the other guy is older and more vigorous but she doesn't like him..yet...I'm not giving up.
I'm so happy to be out helping my husband, which makes me feel like it's "our" venture and not just his...but truth be told, it's not my favorite thing to do. One day at a time I guess. I don't "enjoy" being dirty but it's worth it, if I can be my hubby's help meet. The only really frustrating part besides never really getting warmed up between trips out to the barn is that I have to leave my responsibilities and my own babies in the house with their big brothers. I suppose it's all ok though, noone seems to miss me much for all the longer I'm out there. The hard part will probably be during the week days when my husband isn't here and suddenly I've inherited the responsibility to take care of the goats. ::sigh:: Lord, thank you for patience, endurance, and strength that you have provided me with from your ample supply!

Don't Weaken!

2011-01-25T13:02:00.000-08:00

I recently recieved an e-mail about how dangerous our microwaves really are, and this little message kicked me into gear on the subject. I later found out that (according to SNOPES) part of the email was false...but the really important part (the fact that microwaves change food into something our body doesnt' really recognize...) was unfortunately true. So I had a dilemma on my hands. I had tried a while back to go without one but had a really hard time. Convenience is a necessity in at least a few things when your kids are little. I mean even the pioneers recognized that fact. Hard tack and jerky were a quick meal more often than not...so I told myself "c'mon and cut me some slack, I'm making my own graham crackers for crying out loud!" A minute saved...is a minute earned. So when this topic was broached again I begin looking into some other "options" which is when I found out that a small convection/toaster oven can for the most part replace your microwave (along with a small saucepan, and a percolater or teapot) I was also delighted to find out that they are actually pretty much the same price as a microwave. So... I took my microwave down determined to do without until I could scrounge up enough to replace it...and that lasted about 3 days before I gave in and put it back up....JUST until I get a toaster oven. Let's not be ridiculous here. I have to have my sanity after all! I am determined though to plan as though I don't have it and only use it for emergencies. We'll see how this goes! As my dear friend Erie always says "Life is good as long as you don't weaken!" Thanks Erie!

Winter Cleaning

2011-01-04T12:54:00.000-08:00

It feels so good to purge and yet it's bittersweet. Let me explain. Shortly after Christmas and prompted by an influx of toys and new items into our home. My husband's rather long (usually) fuse hit critical mass and created the necessity for some serious paring down. Honestly it's something that I long to do simply because the best I've ever felt as a housekeeper is the 6 or so months that we had our house on the market...we moved a great deal of our possessions out of the house into the garage...so there was really very little to keep clean and picked up...but God allowed us to keep our home for a while longer and so we are stuck trying to find places in the house (or new homes) for these possessions. For some time now I've been slowly (maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks) filling boxes and taking them to Goodwill. Seeking the balance that comes with having just enough I'm saving back only a few things and sending much on to a new home. Before Christmas, we warned our children that for every new toy that came in our home, something old needed to be retired and leave. We decided to pare the boys' toys down accordinly. Our 2 year old got to keep his Thomas the train wooden set (quite large really) and his little plastic toddler tonka trucks and cars. The 5 year old kept his Lego's, Kinex, and all of his Farm stuff (trucks, tractors, trailers, pickups, buildings, hay, and animals) most of which had just been acquired this year for birthday and Christmas. Our 10 year old kept his Lego's Kinex, Farm stuff (as above) and a smattering of small toys and other "special" stuff acquired since he was small. We figured the older the child, the more toys, because after all...the older the child...the more toys. Today I started sorting through old papers, and assorted office items trying to consolidate 2 desks, 2 totes, 1 box, 2 bags, 1 filing box and 2 filing cabinets worth of stuff into 1 desk and 2 filing cabinets. It's slow going and while I know that the end products will be so nice, accessible, and efficient...the whole process of the last week has been hard to handle in some ways. Saying good-bye to little toys that I remember the boys playing with or a piece of artwork (although I've saved as many as I've tossed) makes me nostalgic and I have to remind myself that in the end the real end, not just for me but when we "the roll is called up yonder" there will nothing left of our earthly treasures. I'm not promoting throwing it all away, but I want and need my life to be clutter free in order to think clearly and truly appreciate and take care of the things (and people and home) that I've been blessed with. Thank you Lord for the clarity of heart and head to be able to really recognize the temporary nature of "stuff". Help me to find the right balance and pursue that in a loving and wise manner.

Snow

2010-12-09T20:06:00.000-08:00

Outside all is still and I find myself wishing for just a few tumbling snowflakes. A storm is in the forecast and that isn't really very favorable for our pregnant does getting ready to kid, but oh so slightly...I want snow, I want a winter wonderland. I want to dress up my little men in snowsuits, gloves, hats, and scarves until all I can see are their little shining eyes and send them out to play with Daddy in the fluff. I want to welcome them back in with steaming hot chocolate (Coconut milk and Carob Powder of course, with just a dash of cinnamon) a bowl of soup with fresh buttery bread and cozy blankets. I'll unwrap their little red cheeks and cold noses, rub their little hands in mine and hear them share about the fun they've had (someday when I don't have a little baby, I might even get to come along!) I'm eager for the days where we sit around the living room under blankets and they listen to me read and we're transported to another time and place all the while being conscious of the warmth, security, and blessings God has given us here and now. Even in the worst winters, we've made some incredible memories. The year we lost power for twelve days, we were able to fire up our little propane stove in the basement to make our meals (and heat as much as we could with) and we camped out in the living room with every blanket in the house. We played a million games of Skipbo, drank a gallon of hot cofffe,tea, and chocolate, and enjoyed the closeness. Thank you Father for the magic that is winter. It brings us closer together in so many ways but it's the color that gets me...Every year at this time we anticipate a world of white and I think deep down it's because we know what it represents. A clean slate, a fresh start, a new hope, forgiveness. Just like your blood washed us white as snow, so you wash this little part of the world every year. I feel bad for people who never get to experience a prairie winter because while it has it's very real dangers, it also holds a very real beauty as you empty your storehouses upon us. So while I'll be praying for any new little kids that might make their appearance this weekend. I'll also be hoping for just a little snow.

The Next Big Thing

2010-11-02T14:09:00.000-07:00

It strikes me, not for the first time how simply people used to live and I find in myself a fearsome longing for that experience. So why do I always complicate things? I've been reading, slowly but steadily the Little House series to my oldest son (and the littler ones when they sit still long enough). I'm always enchanted by what very small things brought such great joy to their lives. Why can't I be like that? Maybe I just need to make up my mind to be. And speaking of simplifying...I'm going to start with school. A good friend of mine introduced me to The Robinson Curriculum and with a few tweeks...it just might be what the Doctor ordered. I'll admit I'm a little bit skeptical because of the amount of reading involved BUT maybe if we start small (again) and with really good quality literature I'll see more of the improvement I'm hoping for. He really is improving in skill level, slowly but surely. My frustration is his unwillingness. I feel like I'm leading a mule through mud. So currently I'm having him read some pretty simple good quality literature and then having him do copywork out of it. He's also doing science three times a week and Math most days. We're concentrating on flash cards at the moment to "drill" the mulitiplication facts in" and he's doing quite well. The idea behind the literature reading and copywork is that by reading and copying (writing) good, well written, literature he will learn how to write and understand good literature. I know growing up I read voraciously and because of that, even though what I was reading wasn't always the classics (although I do have a weakness for Jane Austen) I earned the knickname "Webster" in high school and have a pretty broad vocabulary. I hope that doing things this way will be good for him. He's also doing History and Geography Flashcards twice a week on www.freeworldu.org Over-all a good program I think. Math, History, Geography, Science (with a refreshing Christian world-view) and of course "The Classics" incorporating the Charlotte Mason method of copywork and having the child tell you what they learned about to help solidify it in their mind. I might just stay with this method!

The Autumn of the Muffin

2010-10-09T14:37:00.001-07:00

That's what I should call this fall...Since rediscovering my grain-mill and the remaining 100 lbs of wheat in my freezer... Don't get me wrong I've ALWAYS loved to bake...well ok the first 16 years of my life...not so much but somewhere around my Junior year of high school it hit me...hey I can do this (not so sure my Home Ec teacher shared this opinion, but really it was the german chocolate FROSTING that I screwed up on. The cake was fine!) Meeting my husband to be was another great incentive...Did you know that the way to a man's heart..(you think I'm going to say stomach don't you??) is through his nose. Yuppers it is uh huh...what you don't believe me? Well ok there might be a slight detour through the mouth but come on! He walks in the door takes a big whiff and right there and then when he catches fresh bread and cinnamon, with heady undertones of beef and gravy...well let me tell you, he KNOWS he married the right woman, yes Ma'am!
Ok where was I, oh yes cleaning up the drool all over my lap ::sorry for the visual::. Well here lately I've been feeling a little discouraged about relearning to bake...but NO more! I can make muffins!! Not very impressed? Well me neither, but it's a start and let me tell you I can make MUFFINS (really not trying to be redundant, just enthusiastic!) The nice thing about muffins is...well they're muffins! Compact, easy to eat, quick to bake...because they're...compact. Did I already say that? The nicest thing about them though is that my kids love them and they think I'm cool! Thanks to one of my most favoritest ::smiles:: BLOG Heavenly Homemakers I have a ready supply of recipes to try with my marvelously good for us fresh ground whole wheat! The pancake and sausage muffins were a big hit, such an awesome texture just like pancakes! I'm even considering taking out a cup of the flour and adding 1 cup of cornmeal and instead of sausage adding a bunch of chopped up beef hotdogs for a tasty corndog muffin! Or sticking with the originial recipe you could add bananas and pecans...or blueberries...or chocolate chips... See what I mean?? Possibilities I tell you!! Great for field trips for you homeschoolers and wonderful for lunches for school too! Another yummy muffin recipe I got from Laura was her Chocolate Chocolate Chip Muffins which I made the first time with Dark Cocoa and coconut milk. Lots of possibilities here too; mint extract, almond extract, coconut, chocolate chips, cherries, somebody stop me! My Mom also gave me a super yummy peanut butter muffin recipe but I still need to tweek it since it uses refined sugars. Here it is with a few suggestions for adapting it:

Oatmeal and PBJ Muffins

1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour

1 cup quick cooking oats

(I used old fashioned oats but soaked them in the buttermilk for 5 minutes first)

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

1/4 cup brown sugar (maybe could use molasses?)

1/4 cups sugar (subsitute same amount of honey)

1 egg

1/4 cup coconut oil (or could use butter)

1/3 cups peanut butter

1 1/4 cups buttermilk

1 tsp vanilla

(12 tsp of grape jelly for filling)

This is the part where they (the recipe writer) yammers on about combining wet and dry ingredients separately...but I just dump it all in my mixer and let it do the dirty work. If you want to put a filling in them, Fill the cups half full, put in 1 tsp of filling (your choice) and then more batter on top. It should make right at 12 muffins. Bake @ 375 for 18-20 minutes. I didn't put any filling in mine and they were super yummy, could maybe have used just a hair more peanut butter but very good! Well I suppose I should get back to the bread I have rising and get to working on supper too. Happy Muffin making...er I mean Fall!

Baking...the healthy way. Is this an oxymoron?

2010-09-23T12:45:00.000-07:00

Cinnamon Rolls, Chocolate Chip Cookies, Mom's Cherry Bars...these are just a few of the things that speak love and comfort to me which is why I'm having such a hard time with our diet change. Back in May you might recall that we started changing our diet. No pork or shellfish was the initial and somewhat difficult (especially for the kids) change but little by little there's been some other very difficult changes to replace that once it got easier. One in particular that I have yet to be successful on. I could try to remember all the things we're trying to avoid...but it would be so much easier to explain what we ARE trying to eat. Home Ground Wheat used in bread, tortilla's, pizza crust etc. Natural sweeteners i.e. raw honey and maple syrup, lacto-fermented foods such as buttermilk and yogurt, full fat foods like real butter and cream and lots of fresh fruits and veggies...Things like White Flour, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Aspartame, even Sugar are dirty words in our household and that means that I have to completely relearn how to bake...Which is surpisingly difficult, especially coming into the winter months where comfort food to me plays a bigger part in our diet, whether it's at a holiday celebration, a birthday party (4 birthdays just in our little home in the winter) or just having friends and family stopping by while they're "in town". A big steaming bowl of stew, or a piping hot mug of coffee or tea are both complimented by a gooey cinnamon roll or a nice piece of coffee cake...did I mention pie?. I had studiously worked to perfect my recipes for the above treats throughout high school, college, and the early years of our marriage and it was an effort I can for the most part say was a success so NOW I feel like I have to completely start over and not only that...I have to retrain all of our tastebuds because like it or not...it just doesn't taste the same without white flour and white sugar! ::SIGH:: I guess the only thing and the best thing I can do right now is to trust that God will direct my steps. Lord you know how much this means to me to be able to feed people good food but if it's not in your will for me to fill that need in the same way anymore...than I ask that you show me how to overcome my misgivings on relearning how to bake and give me tools to learn how to bake in a healthier way with the ingredients I have. One step at a time I guess.

Babies and Goats

2010-08-17T14:23:00.000-07:00

Wow, Can't believe it took me so long to get back on here. The biggest thing I have to share is that on Aug 2nd @ 3:05 PM we welcomed a beautiful 7 lb 9 oz little GIRL into our clan! I'll probably refer to her as the little princess until she starts to display her little character to us. She's a sleepy baby that likes to cuddle, eat sporadically and laugh in her sleep. I still can't believe I have a daughter!! There is so much I'm looking forward to with her...and in other things also...like the return of my energy and motivation. I'm not sure if it's post-partum or what but right now I find that I really want to do things but it seems like I never have time for them and then when I do have the time...the desire has vanished or the timing is bad. I'm pushing myself to get a few things done little by little, like slowly unpacking the garage since we have decided not to sell our farm. Instead we've invested in a small herd of meat goats which we will breed, take through the kidding process and then fatten to sell. It should be interesting! Time will tell for both babies and goats I suppose.....

Baby time!....Tomorrow!

2010-08-01T14:57:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow morning my sweety and I are going to head to the hospital bright and early so my Dr. can break my water. Keep us all in your prayers! I'm so excited and just a little bit nervous. I'll be back to let you know all about our precious little wonder and her arrival. ~Toodles

Inspiration strikes again...ugh

2010-07-28T20:50:00.000-07:00

Why, I wonder, do I always get my inspiration at the most inconvenient times? Like tonight...it's almost 11 PM and I'm sitting here starry eyed about what I'm going to bake and sew and concoct this fall...sigh.

I don't need no more kneading!! for now...

2010-07-19T15:19:00.000-07:00

I've come to a landmark decision in my life...The more I read about Phytates and such the more I've come to the decision that eating grains in their true form ( just less of them) or sourdough is probably the best way to go. By true form I mean freshly ground whole wheat (spelt etc.) After an extended bout of not making bread I came to realize that we really only miss bread at Breakfast and snack time....where we like to put honey or jam on it...SO I'm not going to make normal bread anymore. That's right you heard me...quick bread is it for me from now on. (this really satifies my need to make good tasting, somewhat healthy sweets) Somehow the quick breads manage to have less honey in the recipe PLUS the added bonus of not needing a topping because the topping is baked in (honey, cinnamon and sugar, fruit, chocolate etc.) Savings all the way around! PLUS most the stuff I'm reading makes it sound like the amount of phytates soaking gets rid of, is at best a very small amount and at worst non-existent since you'd possibly have to rinse the flour (not possible) after soaking to get rid of the phytates. Sprouting makes much more sense because after soaking the grain you rinse it repeatedly before dehydrating and grinding into flour. After the baby gets here I'm going to really focus on learning how to make sourdough (and possibly sprouting) but until then I'll be buying the sourdough from the store for the odd occasion when we actually need sandwich bread or such. I've also decided to use white tortillas for that specific need until I'm able to procur a tortilla press. I think to save money I'll dis-continue using rice pasta I think...For two reasons mostly...I found out that white (enriched) products have even less phytates then brown rice AND whole wheat (same goes for pasta I'm sure) and white pasta is so much cheaper...except it's not just the phytates that are the problem there...Maybe sprouting will be the way I end up going for making pasta (later) but I wonder if you can get a fine enough flour for this purpose?? We probably only have pasta and tortilla's once each (respectively) during the week. Otherwise we have brown rice, soaked pizza crusts, or no grains at all. We do eat potatoes (as a filling starch) but only red or yukon gold. I can't convince myself that God would provide them growing from the ground but not want us to eat them...they do have their good points. So to sum it all up I guess right now in this moment I'm feeling good about how I'm feeding my family. The only big frustration for me is that I really want to give my family a good milk alternative to what we're getting. I want to do raw milk for the little ones and maybe almond milk (right back to the great phytate debate) for us grownups. The more I find out the more I see that milk is not necessary for adults, plus all the growth hormones in the store bought stuff can cause major health problems. BUT you just can't beat an ice cold glass of milk to wash something sweet down with...during the cool and cold months, hot herbal tea or decaf coffee hits the spot but during the summer....you want something cold most likely...I'll have to keep working on this one. I do really like the mexican horchata (rice milk) but its sweetened and has cinnamon...::sigh:: I want a cow...complete with a someone to milk her when I don't want to be home (holidays, weekends, etc.) In other news, I went back to the Dr. today for my 37 week check up...still no change, and I gained back the stupid pounds I lost plus 1!!!! I guess I just keep waiting. More later...

11 days later and still nothing....

2010-07-17T20:45:00.000-07:00

Ok, Wow, seriously was that really almost 2 weeks ago? Well I'm still cooking my little cinna-bun and being me...have no idea if anything is actually happening or not. My Mom called me on Friday and told me that she asked God for a name and a date (said she was being ornery, so to take it with a grain of salt) and he told her that today was the day...Needless to say in some ways it's been a very long day because I wondered if she was right and in a slight way wanted her to be right...then of course there's the fact that my Dad is trying to not take any loads (he's a trucker) that would take him too far away from the area in case we need him to come help with the boys. I feel such pressure even though it's all self imposed to have this baby ASAP. (yes I know I have no control over when the little wonder arrives) Myself I'm actually just content taking one day at a time. My only frustration right now is that I'm kind of afraid to start any projects (cooking wise especially) for fear that I'll just get some bread rising or something going in the crockpot and then have to bolt to the hospital. So I feel sort of like somebody waiting on a bus that they don't know when to expect...pacing, restless, tired, expectant, anxious, and frustrated. Tomorrow I'm going to hopefully get fully caught up with laundry and maybe write up a list of instructions for whoever stays with the boys...My next appt. is Monday PM so I guess if there's anything to update I'll do it then. Bags are packed anyway and there's extra food in the freezer. In the meantime we are painting our house, garage, and shed so that's a helpful distraction. Well that's all for now, ~Toodles

Waiting on the little wonder

2010-07-06T20:07:00.001-07:00

For posterity sake I figured I'd probably better get on here and write a few things down. I went in for my 35 week (according to ultrasound) check-up today (37 according to my own dates) and I'm 3 cm dilated and 50% effaced. My Dr. wanted me to come back in on Friday because she's heading out of town for the weekend and she's a little nervous I might be trying to go early (again) My little farmer boy was born at 37 weeks (but he tried to come at 36 weeks), and my Bubba was born at 38 weeks. She said if anything concerning happens I need to let her know by noon on Friday HAH! Otherwise she said she would like me to try to stay pregnant for at least 1 more week. So here goes...
I guess besides feeling very full of a very bony baby...I'm pretty normal, just sleepy and uncomfy and I've definitely got the whole waddle thing down. Bags are packed, car seat ready...still no plans for the kiddos that amounts to anything but am praying about this. Sure wish I could've put more food in the freezer (1 casserole is it!) Maybe I'll get creative this week...while resting of course...I so do not want to be delivered by a male Dr.!!! ~Toodles

(almost) back into the swing of things

2010-06-16T19:38:00.000-07:00

Not my finest of days...but I've had worse. I feel a little bit behind since coming back home from my extended stay at my parents. Finally yesterday I got my yogurt made (an essential in our house) and today I finally got my bread and pizza crust started so I can bake tomorrow. Highs in the 90's guess I'll bake early! Maybe in between rises I can sneak out to the garden and get some more weeding in. We don't have our air-conditioners in yet so all you can do in the heat of the day is hunker down, dress light and sit in front of a fan. I'm hoping tomorrow after baking and weeding I can get "Opie" back on track with school and maybe get some learning time in with "Farmer Boy" too. We finally got our little (really little) wading pool out today and the boys have been in and out all day. We live in the country and the pool is on the side of the house facing away from the road but both of my big boys were temporarily aghast that Mom suggested they swim in their skivvies. The way I look at it, it's less laundry! Speaking of which I've got to catch up on that tomorrow also! Despite all the demands on my time though...I'm so very glad to be home! My sister and I traveled (her several hundred miles on a greyhound) up to our parents to help do some long needed cleaning and sorting. Judging from the back dated piles of junk mail and newspapers, things have been going downhill since 2001 (when I graduated, went to college and got married shortly after). Our Mother's health is very poor and that combined with the trauma she's been through in her life...has led to a home filled with "important" things that are slowly being ruined by mice, water leaks, and neglect. Over and over again our hearts broke as we went through box after box. It's so hard to be so far away from people you love, especially when you know you are needed so dearly. Besides the emotional stress though, was the ever present pressure of knowing we had precious little time to accomplish a goal we'd set for ourselves that was a little over the top. In the end, while we managed to get a fairly thorough job done in 4 of the 6 rooms in their tiny trailer house.....we recognize that this is something that will need to be repeated on at least a yearly basis (if not more often). Every time hopefully will get easier, and we also hope that what we do get done each time will make our "normal" visits that much less stressful for all involved and make it easier to relax and enjoy our time without worrying about finding room for people to cook, eat, sleep, sit etc. Our Mom would once upon a time have given Martha Stewart a run for her money, which makes it so painful to see how things have changed and I know it must be really hard for her to accept that she can't do what she used to. For the most part, Mom was a trooper and while we had our "moments" I like to think that we did our very best to be sensitive to her feelings and wishes and to be patient when our own "plans" were pushed aside. We were there for 10 days and by the time I got home I wanted to just fall into my husband's arms. First let me make myself clear that noone pushed us to do anything except ourselves. Every night we hit the pillow around midnight at least and every morning we were up by six. To sum it all up, we came home tired but glad to be home and for the most part pleased with the progress.Posts to follow about what I'm learning from my Mom....

For the Love of the Garden

2010-05-17T13:59:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned how much I love gardening?? My version of it anyway. I'm not an uber-gardner who can quote the fertilizer to water ratio for any given plant, and I don't know the latin names of all the green little babies in my garden BUT how I DO love the feel of dirt under my fingernails. I love the neat little rows, each row unique from the next. I love the endless choices of what to plant. I love the process of watching them grow from seed to plant, and who doesn't love the joy of picking your own produce, a tangible, tasteable, testament of your partnership with God. Today as I added more variety to my garden I just couldn't get enough of the sights, sounds, smells, and feel of the experience...from woman-handling my mini-tiller in sort of straight rows, sorting through packets of possibilities from this year and the years before, crumbling soil through my fingers as I cover up the tiny line of seeds marching off into the (short) distance, The smell of lilacs wafting through the air and of last weeks grass clippings sweetly settling into their new place and purpose. Birds were keeping my Farmer Boy and I company with their music as we hauled buckets of water to give "everyone" drinks. Just like the rest of our lives though it's not all happy songs and smooth trails. Every year here has been an expansion of what we started with, and each year I feel a little more competent, confident, and incredibly blessed. But every year is also a series of small misfortunes. Perennials that didn't make it another season, Grasshoppers on the move, Mail-order plants that didn't survive the mail, Death by weed-eater or mower, A missed harvest of Rhubarb, A promising seedling that gave up the ghost, and on and on it goes. I'm hoping that this year I will do better with preservation at the end of the season than I have in previous years....of course if God decides to send a buyer our way...that changes a lot of things...honestly that's just hard to face at the moment. I had intitially planned to plant only the necessities but as the season has approached and arrived...I find my list of what has gone into the ground has grown longer...and longer. So far it includes, cabbage, broccoli, califlower, sugar snap peas, carrots, purple kohlrabi, green beans, onions, pie pumpkins, watermelon, cantaloupe, strawberries, 4 colors of bell peppers, cucumbers, a sweet potato, pear tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, black pearl cherry tomatoes, mortage lifter tomatoes (5 of them), green and red lettuce, spinach, and a few herbs. Not to mention the sweet corn and popcorn my husband planted out by his shop (he cheated and used his planter). Still to go in...somewhere (no room left in the garden) is a giant pumpkin, snake gourds, and maybe birdhouse gourds. These 3 are just for fun, so we'll just have to see if we can find a place out of the way we can put them....and then remember to water them...so much for "just the basics". I'm secretly a little afraid that I'll get lazy the farther along I get with the baby but...by late July early August the little wonder should be here and the garden should be well mulched and hopefully past the point of constant weeding needed. PLUS this year I'm going to put to good use my new secret weapon...I call it ::drum roll please:: a spray bottle of white vinegar...look out baby weeds here I come! Well I suppose I'd better waddle off and start supper here shortly ~Toodles!

Turkey Bacon and Trusting God

2010-05-08T15:50:00.001-07:00

Well almost a week later, I have several new experiences firmly under my rapidly tightening belt (baby and all). I'm not quite sure where to start...I survived Grocery day, going only $7 over budget. Guess I should have put the pickles back...and the ice cream...and the...::just kidding:: So here's what I did. I read on the BLOG "Scottish Twins" that this lovely lady (and amazingly organized I might add) has a reproduceable grocery list that she uses along with making weekly meal plans. Now, I'm no stranger to the idea of planning meals. That's how I shop anyway, but making the grocery list was an all day affair because everytime I had a spare minute I sat down at the computer and while staring at the screen came up with yet another thing to add to my list. The idea is to have everything on it you buy (ever...ok almost ever) with a few blank lines for the odd occasional thing that will only make it on your list once every decade....like "striped socks" or "bamboo skewers" for example. While making the list I was also working on a meal plan (free printable form courtesy of) Donnayoung.org AND that meant researching through the few "healthy" recipes I've acquired so far mostly from the amazing Nourishing Gourmet BLOG (she is such a gem!) along with some staple recipes by another incredible cook by the name of Sue Gregg. I also am trying to adapt a few of Jessica Seinfield's recipes from her cookbook "Deceptively Delicious". I hear she has a website as well, but I haven't gotten to visit it yet. I really wish I knew how to make links on this because I would love to point you in the right direction a little more capably. I stumbled on most of these awesome ladies via google and other Blogger's sites. Ok, so the day after "grocery day" was a busy day. Baking 2 kinds of breads, roasting a squash (to puree for a pasta sauce and muffins), Simmering tomatoes all day for sauce, dehydrating my soaked oats, starting a new batch of yogurt (recipe from "Under 1000 Per Month" BLOG) and doing a LOT of dishes. I figured if I spent one day preparing for the week...it would make the rest of the week flow a lot more smoothly (and it almost worked too). Kind of like how the pioneer women would spend one day heating up the kitchen doing the baking needs for the week so that they wouldn't have to heat everything up again that week. Honestly it makes sense too, The oven's already hot, might as well keep using it. Everything turned out well too...except the tomato sauce....too bitter...I'll have to find a new recipe next week since I still have 8 (2 gln) bags of whole tomatoes from last summer in the freezer. The hardest thing about cooking/living this way I'm finding out, is that it means starting things the day/night before you need them or even a couple days in advance. Which is why I suggest doing the prep stuff one day, baking etc the next and having the rest of the week off so to speak. The biggest change for us right now is cutting pork and shellfish out of our diet. We didn't really have much shellfish in our diet anyway but it was a special treat we enjoyed. As for pork...pepperoni, ham, bacon, ::sob:: sausage....goodbye dear friends. We actually tryed turkey bacon tonight just for fun and it was actually really good (it even passed my baconholic husband's test) it didn't shrink much at all (giving you a lot more to work with) smelled the same, tasted the same, just had a little different texture (just a little bit less crisp and quite thin) over all, we will be using it where bacon was called for and I don't think we'll notice the difference all that much! YAY!! In other news, I had a very nice Mother's day. I got a bunch of plants for my garden and flower beds, PLUS we got some new goldfish for our stock tank. Ours were doing splendidly last year until we cleaned the tank...all but 7 of our 40 died! The nice lady at Earl May asked my sweety today what we were going to do with 3 dozen goldfish. He told her we use them to keep our stock tank clean and she said "Oh they work great for that, Just don't clean the tank..." now they tell us! Probably one of the most exciting things we got today was a huge tent half price in the bargain cave at Cabela's. We aren't really campers (yet) but every year over Memorial Day weekend our family goes to a special little canyon in Central Nebraska along with practically all 30 or so members of this really big family (of which we are unofficially adopted into). It's usually a 2 or 3 day event. Lots of potluck, four-wheeling, roasted marshmallows, card playing, and tree cutting (the patriarch of this clan makes things out of cedar to sell and this is how he gets his cedar to work with (his descendants cut it down for him, and they think they're having fun!! Sneaky guy!) All the extra branches and trash goes into a huge bonfire. (hence the marshmallows) My only beef with the whole thing (aside from the massive amounts of sunscreen, bug spray and anxiety over which of my kids is nearest the guys with chainsaws or running down hill with sharpened sticks) is that my littlest (at any given year) is usually getting into any and everything he shouldn't SO having a tent as home base (for storing stuff, getting out of rain, away from bugs and putting little ones down for naps....) would be heaven. Pray for my kids....and my sanity, I'm not a worrier but sometimes....in situations like this I struggle with giving my kids over to God. They are so carefree, innocent and unthinking. Just recently a little 3 year old boy in that same family was run over and killed by a tractor his Grandpa was driving. I can't begin to imagine the pain and heartache, the loss that this family is dealing with. It makes me want to go hold each one of my boys while they sleep just to feel their chest rise and fall...I just try to rest in the knowledge that God loves them more than I do and if he wants to take them home, or have them learn a painful lesson....it's what's best for them (and me)...if it's all the same though, I'd like them to grow to be old men in his service and keep all the parts they were born with. Besides I keep telling God that white hair just isn't my preferred shade. ALL Prayers WELCOME!!

My Mission

2010-05-03T18:59:00.000-07:00

I've SEEN the light! Just a week ago (I think) I visited a BLOG called Nettacow and read about her soaking oats. "That's strange" I remember thinking and THEN I found "The Maker's Diet" at Goodwill (I was actually looking for some sort of healthier cookbook and was astounded to find the book that sums it all up for me. (well actually that's the Bible BUT....) I've been hearing about this book for a while now and just never remembered to check it out from the Library, and I figured no way could I afford it so I kind of just forgot about it until there it was... $1.35 and calling my name. Needless to say, it came home with me and has turned my world upside down...in a good way. I'm on a mission now....AND NOW I know why the nice lady at Nettacow is soaking her oats! I actually have some of my own "soaking" on the counter as we speak, along with some homemade yogurt doing it's thing in my crockpot, and a jar of sourdough starter waiting to be fed in the morning. To top it all off, I'm on here Blogging about my head full of ideas.....
A normal weeks worth of groceries for our family of 5 (soon to be six) is "supposed" to run us $100 (per my husband's orders). Remarkably, this isn't as difficult as it sounds, but I'm far from consistent unless I'm consistently going over budget by $10-$15 every week, so don't get too googly-eyed. We DO have WIC which can usually provide an average of $30 worth of milk, eggs (1 dzn), beans, rice, cereal, juice, veggies and fruits. I do not like that the "milk and eggs" provided are I'm sure, full of hormones, and antibiotics, but what's a girl to do when their free???? IF, I didn't have WIC I would still purchase the brown rice, the eggs, the milk, the veggies and fruits, the beans, and possibly the juice. I would just be paying through the nose because I would be buying organic or raw, or farm fresh....SO for the time being I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth so to speak. As I've been searching some other incredible BLOGS , I was reminded of what my Mom said when I asked her about how healthy she fed us growing up. She said "Your Dad and I provided what we could afford, which wasn't always very much, and was probablly not very healthy at times, but I took my efforts and offered them to God and asked him to make up the difference and make them nourishing for you girls.) SO, What I AM going to do is try to be the best steward I can been of our money, while also trying to provide healthy foods for my family, the rest is in God's hands.
I'm also trying to break down the cost of the unhealthy foods I've been buying so that when i go to the stores on Wednesday I can get the most bang (health wise and money wise) for my buck. So what I need to look at right now is what small changes can I make to our diet that won't cost a ton but will start making a positive effect on our diet. Big suppers aren't so much my concern to tackle first, mainly because there's less of them (less money goes towards providing them) but also because those are easier to tweek. Mainly since my dear sweet husband, but the cabosh (a major halt) on any and all casseroles, (barring Runza Casserole). So Supper is actually, usually not too far off from where I want it to be already. I'm already starting to tackle breakfast and snacks, by making my own yogurt (please Lord let it meet my requirements on taste and texture). and soaking my oats. I'm hoping to make some homemade granola bars tomorrow with the oats. Snacks at our house usually consist of apple slices, mandarin oranges, cheese sticks or yogurt. (usually one fruit equivalent, and one dairy/protein equivalent. Please don't mistake me for someone who really knows what she's talking about. As for breakfasts, eggs are a big deal in my house and let me tell you I'm REALLY missing my chickens about now. (The chickens were sold in the process of trying to sell the farm itself.......too tired to even think about that one tonight! Anyhoosers, In one morning with only the boys and I eating breakfast I go through 6 eggs! Not counting baking (of which I'm quite fond) I'd need to buy at least 4 dozen eggs just for breakfasts (counting Daddy eating two also on the weekends) That adds up fast! So I'm looking to introduce yogurt as more of a main staple in our mornings. (we're already eating it, but with making it, I can provide it more often and cheaper!) I want the boys to for sure have protein in the form of either eggs, milk, or yogurt, fruit in the form of a grapefruit, a banana, applesauce, or a glass of 100% juice and fiber in the form of oatmeal or toast. Let me clarify, One protein, one fruit, one fiber. So stepping it up a notch here means, making some granola bars, and homemade fruit roll-ups for speedy breakfasts and snacks, and also providing some more healthy add-ins for the oatmeal, plus trying to find a way to make my own bread (or buy it, if it's cheaper) that's been made with soaked or fermented grains/flours. Over all I don't feel too bad about what we eat for breakfast. Probably my biggest concerns are finding a way to make a homemade bread that meets my expectations, and paying attention to sales and such so as to get cheap fruit when it 's a little over-ripe for fruit leather. My other main concern is how to keep lunch time fun and healthy on a budget. All too often, quick is the rule for Mommy at Lunch time. Chicken Nuggets, Mac-N-Cheese (sometimes store bought, sometimes made with velveeta and elbow noodles) and Green beans. You get the picture. So I'm starting to add some different things in. For one, I've added salmon to our noon meals menu. So far I've only done salmon patties but they were made (on the griddle with no oil) with self rising flour, salt and pepper and an egg. That's not going to cut it for me so I need to keep searching for a better way. I've also done quesadillas (with beans for Mason and I, w/o beans for the other two boys) When an entree doesn't have a veggie with it, we have a romaine lettuce salad. So while I know I have far to go. I'm scouring my "Deceptively Delicious" cookbook (by Jessica Seinfeld) for some inspiration for my kid's meals. Well I'd better get off here but it's so nice to be able to get this off my mind AND do it in a way that maybe some other people could provide input that might help me along this journey. Toodles

Farmers and the Joneses

2010-04-26T19:21:00.000-07:00

Ok So I know I already blogged today but I have to add this little snippet. I think it's absolutely hilarious how Farmers compete with each other. This year is our third year of farming our own (rented) ground, basically we at least get to keep part of the profit as opposed to farming as a hired hand. The first two years were busy with dirt work. My sweetums and his Father have a knack for acquiring land that was pasture or hilly and revamping into a field that is farmable. It really is amazing the things they've done. I wish I'd had the foresight to take before and after pictures of some of the ground but anyhoosers, this year we finally are ahead of schedule (a little bit) We finished planting corn yesterday and so today my husband went to his seed salesmen to see if the beans were in because they were ready to get those in the ground starting today...apparently every farmer that came into the guys store after my husband had been there learned that we're done planting corn because all afternoon there was a steady trickle of farmer's into the welding shop asking "Is it true? Are you done planting corn already??" Which reminds me of a little story about a guy who farms a little ways away down in The Valley. Just to be ornery to his neighbor, one year he hooked his tractor up to his planter in March , drove it one pass (empty of course) in his field and left it parked close to the road just to get his neighbor's goad. So his neighbor sees this and gets busy preparing to plant all because they have to "keep up with the Joneses" in a manner of speaking. Aren't these farmer boys silly? I guess in a way I'm not different though, because I'm constantly asking the paragons of gardening in my community (also known as the coffee shop ladies) who has what in already. Guess we're all just a hopeless group of rubber neckers and copy cats.

Energy Deficit Creates Self-Esteem Shortage

2010-04-26T18:53:00.001-07:00

Ok so after visiting some of the many very cool BLOG's out there I'm a little disgusted with myself...of course it doesn't help that right now I feel about as motivated as a slug with this awful sinus cold clogging up my brains. I know I need to remember that "oh yeah I'm not supposed to be comparing myself to others" but some of these gals are just nothing short of amazing! I'm sure I could come up with excuses like "I have 3 sons", "I'm pregnant", "I'm poor", "I homeschool too!" but come on, for every excuse there's 5,000 women in the same boat who could create, craft, cook, budget, teach, make babies, and write circles around me. So maybe that's not really how I should look at it. Honestly I know that I'm not half as pathetic as I make myself out to be and that it's ok if I'm the only one who ever really notices the things I do...because I'm doing them for God and my family. In short...Thank you Lord for inspiring women like these. Thank you for reminding me of my worth in your eyes. Thank you for the gifts and talents you've given me. Please continue to help me be a good steward of all you've given me, possessions, time, money, talents, and loves.....and speaking of things I love to do...Tomorrow I plant! May 9th isn't THAT far away right?

Surrendering My Will

2010-04-24T08:57:00.000-07:00

What a day yesterday! We had people coming to view the house and so I spent the morning finishing up what I'd started the previous morning when I found out. I finally got done and rounded up the rascals and out the door we went complete with a lunch to share with Daddy at the Shop (The family welding shop where he works when he's not farming ::smiles::) I got less than a quarter of a mile down the road, hit our famous "soft spot" and for the first time in my life, got "stuck". So I had to call the man I loved...oops love and tell him. He came to the rescue but he wasn't exactly the white knight I was hoping for. I told him that too....much much later. To his credit he did apologize...so why then can't I get past it? Pray for me. Anyhoosers the rest of the day though fairly uneventful was at least a lot more peaceful than the first part. After our lunch I took the munchkins to the park where our bare feet found a merry go round with a nice warm deep mud puddle. It was so nice, the sun beating down, a gentle breeze, two of my four favorite guys and wonderfully warm muddy water on our feetsies. I took Bubba's pants, socks, and shoes off ( still clothed in diaper, shirt and jacket) and held on to his hands while he walked in the puddle as we went round and round and round. Pushed by Farmer Boy with his "work jeans" rolled up to his knees. Then we had a nice little snack (granola bar the three of us shared), toweled off with the wash cloth I'd thrown in my bag before leaving the house (no idea why, but I guess God knew) then we went up to our dear friend's coffee shop that was bursting with conversation and charm. After some black cherry tea (for me) and hot chocolate (for my boys) we visited another friend for awhile before heading back home to start supper. I almost had it put together too, when Daddy (my sweety) walked in and said "Oh I was going to take you out for supper." Whereupon I assured him that chicken alfredo freezes quite nicely and off we went to Pizza Hut (with a stop at DQ on the way home for a rare treat). All in all, a nice end to a day that started off not so nice. My sweety went into the shop for some over time this morning taking Shotgun with him. Opie is at his biological Mom's for the weekend (until tonight). Bubba and I went out to play. Planting is stalled out right now because of the big rain yesterday, and the dew is heavy on the grass so not sure if my sweety is going to be able to mow our 5 acres of yard this afternoon or not either. Leftovers for lunch but Runza casserole for Dinner (Daddy and Opie's favorite). Maybe I'll make 2 and be able to freeze one to add yet another entree to the freezer for when the Little Wonder arrives later this summer....Our church and small group has been doing the "Experiencing God" bible study and I'm trying desperately to catch up. My thought for the day until God and I reconnoiter tonight is that I need to get to the place where I have no will of my own, being wholly surrendered to God's will. Sometimes I feel that I'm already there because when I try to describe to God what I want...all I can say that I'm sure of is that I want what he wants because I don't trust my own wisdom to make the right choice/request of him. Even with selling the Farm. I know what my heart desires but that changes from moment to moment because there are upsides and downsides to whatever possibilities I can think of so I guess...I'll leave it to the One that knows what is best for us. With that I think I'll close this and go finish my Library book....or maybe I'll make those cookies I've been craving...but I still have another loaf of banana bread to eat yet...I cannot get enough baking lately! I should freeze some of this for some sweet treats to go with all those entrees....but they taste so good NOW! ::sigh:: Have a great weekend all and God Bless!

Spring Fever

2010-04-12T13:22:00.000-07:00

Hello Again! Last night I finally sat down to examine what had been in MY easter basket...there was of course the normal offerings, which mainly consist of "death by chocolate" but there at the bottom was the real prize. A brand spanking new edition of Mary Jane's Farm magazine. I love this magazine so! There is of course the usual earth first rhetoric that comes from the deluded global warming believers but there is so much more. I even was deeply impressed and delighted to find one article written by a Christian lady! I find it sad that while they are totally right on about gardening and simple living being healing and beatiful....they miss the true maker of both nature, health, peace, and beauty. Ah well, I guess I'll keep reading because even though we have this discrepancy, their heart is firmly in the right place and I get such joy from reading about other women like myself who take the greatest pleasure in digging their hands into dirt and growing things. Honestly if it weren't for my kids....I would set up a little shack in my garden complete with a patio hosting a table and chairs. I would go out first thing in the morning and not come in until my husband came home in the evening. Sometimes I find that I get so carried away with what I'm doing that my time is up already (in what seemed like the blinking of an eye) and I must return to my house to tend to the children , although at various stages in our life there have been times when the youngest was such that we could simply sunscreen up and return. I find myself daydreaming about putting in a foot friendly rock path that winds through my garden and transforming all the planting area into multiple raised beds so that my little ones don't have to fear sandburs and thorns in Mommy's garden. I want it to be as magical and welcoming to them as it is to me...Will may 9th never come? That's when the Farmer's Almanac tells me I am finally free of danger of frost and can get down to serious business out there. This year it's different for me though and I struggle often against desperate panic. Our farm is for sale and when we started this process in January it didn't seem like such a sacrifice to give up a cold and barren garden and various flower beds but now....NOW.... I almost feel bereft and we're not even entertaining any offers on the place yet! I struggle with myself every time I go to the store and especially last night reading through my magazine seeing all this awesome and amazing heirloom plants and wanting nothing more than to fill my garden with this natural, ancient goodness for my family and anyone who will accept free food. Against my husband's warnings I've already planted strawberries (some in a container in case we have to move soon and some in the ground) I also planted some lettuce (a sweet red variety) and spinach in containers. This week is supposed to be fraught with rain and then of course we'll have to dry out again but I am eagerly awaiting the moment I can use the new toy/tool my husband got me! He got me a tiller! A 'me' sized one with an electric start to make up for my wimpy arms! This time of year it's always so frustrating for me when he's in the fields and I want him home to till things up for me but NO MORE!! Hahahaha I shall no longer be powerless!!....and he wont' have to listen to me whine....too much anymore or at least not on this subject. Right now I've got sweet onions, a fun and colorful carrot mix, china rose radishes, sugar snap peas, and various other seeds that are waiting to go into the ground! Last year I just wasn't able to effectively use all that I planted and so this year I'm going to be more practical. I honestly refuse to even tell you the enormity of the waste because it embarresses and disgusts me to remember but I will tell you that I will not be planting pie pumpkins OR Zuchinni this year. I've also decided that I favor picking cucumbers to their slicing cousins. Dual purpose mainly I guess but I've noticed that the slicers can get bitter quickly and the smaller ones if picked routinely will keep a certain sweetness when peeled for salads and the like YUM YUM YUM The cucumbers I had last year definitely showed me why some people like cucumber sandwiches! Crisp yet sweet with a little salt and buttered bread... ooh yes! I'm going to grow one (ONLY ONE) plant of cherry tomatoes but at least 5 beef steak or an heirloom equivalent. I'll probably also plant one jalapeno and some bell peppers. I would like to get more strawberries started and possibly a thornless boysenberry. I desperately want an apple tree and also a cherry but...not this year I don't think.... I guess if we sell before harvest time...some lucky person will not go hungry! Anyhoosers I'm off to the internet to send away for some heirloom seed catalogues...now where did that magazine run off to.....

No-Till Farming Overview per Me

2010-03-31T14:40:00.000-07:00

I just got back inside from working in my garden. What a refresher that was! Still no bites on the house yet and the garden was in sore need of attention so I figured, "So what if I won't be probably get to utilize my garden one last time. There's no reason I can't lick it into shape plus get started pulling my special stuff out and putting it off to the side for easy moving whenever we do get something in the works. Ok so all this dirt and splinters and wind in my hair reminded me of something... I'm a farmer's wife right and yet everything I know on the subject really wouldn't amount to a hill of beans...haha, oops I made a funny. Anyway.... It's high time I start paying attention to my husbands doings. So for posterity sake I'm recording this and trying to include what I know as well as what I observe or surmise. I'm going to laugh my butt off about this someday I know.

AS AN ASIDE PLEASE ALL READERS (if I had any) IF YOU YOURSELF ARE AWARE OF MY BLATANT IGNORANCE ON THE SUBJECT, PLEASE BE KIND AND LET MY OTHER READERS FIGURE IT OUT ON THEIR OWN. I APPRECIATE THAT THERE ARE MANY WOMEN CAPABLE OF RUNNING A FARM WITH ONE ARM TIED BEHIND THEIR BACK (I happen to know a few) BUT SOME OF US JUST HAD OTHER THINGS ON THEIR MIND WHEN THEIR HUSBANDS WERE DRONING ON AND ON ABOUT SEED APPLICATOR TEST RATES AND WHICH TYPE OF HAIL INSURANCE TO GET.

So it's currently the last week of March and my husband started field work last week. He and his Dad practice no-till farming (on nights and weekends) for the reason (my observance and a little of what I remember) that it's extremely beneficial when done over a long period of time because of approximately 4 reasons: #1 It allows the ground to soak in and hold moisture better and more efficiently. #2 When you leave the dead foilage on the ground it provides better weed control. #3 More nutrients go back into the ground with the decaying plant matter left on the field. What is #4 you might ask...well in my opinion it's so they can get out of work to go to these no-till conferences, where of course they eat (prime rib), drink (iced tea), and socialize (about the latest technology in no-till). Of course the catch here is that it's better over a long period of time SO maybe by the time I'm a grandmother it will all start really paying in dividends. Although little by little it should be providing better results every year that it's done. Ok so that said... what he's doing right now is rolling stalks. His Dad is shredding stalks. When I remember (or figure out) what that's for and what determines which application per field....I'll let ya know. Our neighbors (who have cattle) are spreading manure on their fields right now, which lends such a nice full-bodied aroma on the spring air currents Mmmmm smells like...planting season. (It's actually not quite time for planting but it sounded good) After playing around with the stalks (smirk smirk) it is my understanding that they'll move on to putting fertilizer on the fields. I stand corrected I just called my sweety to see if he'd be home for supper (will happen rarely until mid-June) and was informed that he needs to rip his terrace channels (apprently the bane of his existence) with the chisel, and fill in some washouts before anyone can fertilize. So that's about all I know right now so I suppose I'll post this and try to remember tomorow what ever I've been told at 10:00 tonight while he eats supper and I yawn.

Teacher's Brain Syndrome

2010-03-12T20:41:00.001-08:00

Not sure why I'm on here tonight, but I guess it beats surrendering the day and going to bed. My husband and I just got done TRYING to watch The Fugitive with Harrison Ford (he's in the movie, not actually watching it with us, but wouldn't that be cool!) The stupid DVD was so scratched that we really only saw the beginning, ending, and some highlights in the middle. Grrr, I hate technology...most of it anyway. It's just more ways to force us all to mindlessly buy more stuff in order to keep up. ANYway, so we're watching the end, in the laundry room scene, when the bad guy sends this huge suspended I-beam hurtling towards one of the good guys and it hits him in the head and brilliant me, who's been sitting here salivating over the images of pizza floating in my pregnant head (now there's an image) takes in a really fast, really deep gasp......and well, brace yourselves....I choked on my own spit ladies and gentleman, and I'm still, 30 minutes later, trying to clear my throat and relocate my vertabrae where my husband knocked it loose trying to slap me on the back....so humiliating. Good movie though...from what I saw of it....ok so updates... (sorry I just love those little dots!). I am officially re-enrolled in the writing course I mentioned earlier AND I'm just waiting for the books and papers to arrive! I'm excited and a little nervous but I'm doing it! I'm also really excited because I'm awaiting the arrival of the two books I need to complete the geography study we're going to start ASAP from My Father's World. I also have to share with you that I am absolutely enamored with Apologia for science! It's a Christian curriculum that breaks science down into the 6 days of Creation (therefore 5 books). SO cool and SO in-depth but in a really fun and interesting way. For instance, when we were talking about the difference between rotation and revolution (we're doign day 1 right now, "Astronomy"), they had you designate one person or object as the sun and place that person/object in the center of a room. Then they had another person "the earth" walk in a circle around "the sun" (revolving) while trying to spin in place (rotating). THEN to top it all off they had one more person (if you had a second person, or third available) "the moon" try to revolve around "the earth" while "the earth" was revolving around "the sun". It was hilarious and so much fun to do that with the boys, then we had to demonstrate it later for Daddy. TRY THIS!! Anyhoosers I can hardly wait for each new day of science, I'm tempted to just read them on my own for fun (and education of course) I love how they mentioned thermonuclear fusion (the process that fuels the sun) and explained that it disproves the theory of "millions and billions of years ago" because thermonuclear fusion actually causes the sun to get brighter and hotter every year which means of course in reverse that when we go back in time it gets dimmer and cooler every year. If we went back billions of years (or even millions) the earth would be a frozen wasteland and could not support life. SO COOL! Ok so that's what we're using for science. For English we do a combination of things, I have him read to me at least 15 minutes each day (usually he reads his science book to me and then I reread it to him), he does "Hooked on Phonics" every day, AND he's doing a worksheet a day from a really cool book called "Easy Grammar for grades 3 and 4" by Wanda Phillips. It uses the prepositional approach which means it teaches you the prepostions so that when you need to break down a sentence to find the object, subject, verb etc. you start by eliminating the prepositional phrase and it makes it so easy to understand that even I get it!! For math, we use "Math-U-See". It's a really neat curriculum that utilizes DVD instruction along with manipulatives. It's great for hands on learners and he's doing really well with it! We also have him doing an art program called "I Can Do All Things". It's a Christian program and it does a really good job of teaching the basics of art. It's something he really enjoys and looks forward to and so it has it's own important place in our day. If he wasn't so interested in it I wouldn't pursue it, but who knows, maybe he's one of the next greats ::smiles:: SO anyhoosers, all this to say that I was realizing that our geography program, while really cool, wasn't cutting the mustard and so I decided to go with MFW's "Exploring Countries and Cultures", because I already knew I wanted to go with their following study called "Creation to the Greeks". They have a whole set of these (5 to be exact) and they are meant to be studied in order starting with the ECC. The 3rd one is "Rome to the Reformation", the 4th one is "Exploration to 1850", and the 5th is "1850 to Modern Times". I'm not sure if we'll homeschool our boys through Jr. High or not. I bring this up because obvisouly this program is meant to last through the 8th grade, since they want you to start it around 4 grade. My oldest son is the age of most 4th graders (he's 10) but really shouldn't have started public school when he did (at age 5 and a half). SO with the beauty of homeschool, he's doing a variety of levels of work. He was struggling so much when we brought him home for what would have been his 3rd grade year that we started him completely over in Math and English(phonics/grammar/reading) Sothis year, in those things he's working on a 2nd almost 3rd grade level and progressing quickly. Another beautiful thing about homeschool is the freedom to work year round (not having to review half as much as public schools are forced to because of the long summer break). So while he should have started the geography at the beginning of the year. If we start it this next week or even the week after (fingers and toes crossed that the books come in ASAP). Then we'll be done with ECC and moving on to the 2nd level by probably late November /early December at the latest. This in turn means He'll be done with Rome to the Reformation (the 2nd Unit) by the middle of Summer 2011. Which will then put him ahead of the game in that dept. I'm not in a hurry though. I don't feel rushed for time. Plus there is always the freedom to say "we can pick up the pace because this is moving pretty slowly" or to say "let's slow down and spend a little more time on this, to make sure we're retaining it" Have I mentioned I LOVE homeschooling?? Ok so I got totally sidetracked somewhere before explaining the 5 year geography/history cycle...and what I was TRYING to spit out (haha, I made a funny) was that I wanted this program (ECC) but it was around $300!!! So I prayed about it and God gave me this cool idea..."MAYBE one of the homeschool gals I know used it and still had it lying around her house" ...and wouldn't ya know one of them did and she's loaning me the whole thing (minus the two books that cost me $14 total including shipping) for free! Isn't GOD AWESOME!! So today, inbetwixt grading math papers (GAG ME WITH RUFFAGE...no offense big sis), making homemade icecream sandwiches (yogurt,sugar,buttermilk, and lemon juice, with coconut for sweetness thrown it the freezer and then slathered between two graham crackers)and fending off my hooligans...I copied the entire teachers manual for my pretty new zippered "on sale" 3 ring binder so I can now highlight and jot to my hearts content. AND with ALL that said...I'm sleepy, so I think I'll mosey to the Bathroom (where I'm most often seen) and then off to bed goes my pretty lil head. Goodnight!

High and Low

2010-02-28T14:29:00.000-08:00

On Friday of last week I wrote this :
"Today is a good day! It reminds me of a song by Fernando Ortega called "This Good Day" (you should look it up!). Tomorrow is the open house for our home and for the most part, all the major stuff is done and ready for the big day. It's kind of unnerving to think I'll have all sorts of strangers tromping through my home BUT I know why we're doing this and I'm ready....anyhoosers. My oldest if off to visit his Mother for the weekend which leaves me with just the two little guys and they are currently having a blast jumping on Mommy and Daddy's four poster. Here lately I've been craving rhubarb like none other and I just keep coming back to this rhubarb jello salad I remember having once upon a time. I searched online for it and finally called my Mom, only to find out that the salad in question is actually my Aunt LaJean's famous salad that she brought to every family get together when I was growing up. So I pulled out the big family cookbook and sure enough there it was. It's not like I have a shortage of cookbooks, don't know why I had to take such a roundabout way to find it but finally it's sitting in my fridge gelling until I can add the cool whip....yummy! Looking through the cookbook made me so nostalgic. I remember so many of the recipes from Christmases and Thanksgiving's long since past. Many of the recipes also bring back memories of the 4th of July, Family Reunions, tubing down the river, branding calves and hiding easter eggs with my cousins. I remember riding horses in the pasture, trekking through the cedars with my Dad and sister as we looked for just the right Christmas tree, and sledding down that steep hill by the old abandoned farm stead. I remember picking raspberries with my favorite cousin Myra and taking her little brothers and sister down to the Little Sandy for a dip on a hot summer afternoon where we discussed how we'd never have kids when we grew up, because we were so afraid of the whole process. Even talking about sex scared us back then. Put what where???!! Life is different now (teeheehee) but it amazes me how something as simple reading through a cookbook can bring back such joy and hope too, hope that as my children grow and we leave this chapter of our lives behind (the chapter filled with diapers and hormones) that I'll be able to take my children back to where I grew up and let them experience the magic I got to enjoy growing up. But even more than that...I hope that I will be able to look for and find that same magic everywhere we are."
.............Then, I got another e-mail from the institute of children's literature which has my head whirling. When I got the first letter (recently) in January asking me to come back and finish my course....I was curious, hopefull, I don't know all what...that same day I noticed they had e-mailed me the same thing....(I deleted the e-mail but kept the letter for a while....) but, I eventually decided that right now might not be the best time to take on something this important only to fail all over again....so I tossed the letter. Then, when I had second thoughts because I realized the deadline was approaching, I couldn't even go back and look at the information again because I had unwittingly gotten rid of both letters. So, I figured "so much for that pipe dream, guess it's all for the best anyway." Then yesterday I got another e-mail from them saying they'll extend my deadline another week if I'm interested....So, feeling like this might just be a God thing, I printed it out and showed my husband who, true to his character asked me "Is this something you're going to finish?" As much as that tore at my heart to hear...he's right to ask and honestly I'm afraid to answer. I have always wanted to be a writer, I have always loved to write and occasionally I have been told by someone (besides my Mother), that I have a gift. On top of all that...I feel like God is sending this my way and I'm terribly afraid of letting Him down, or letting my Husband down if he pays for this and then I get lazy or overwhelmed. The 2nd deadline is fast approaching, so my Husband told me to pray hard about it over the weekend and if I really feel that this is where God is leading me...then he'll foot the bill....so I'm praying. I want so badly to use the gifts God gave me, for this glory, and I'm (most of the time) bursting with ideas for stories to write...I don't know, I just don't know....Speak to me Lord, show me your will for my life, don't let me miss it!

Making My Move

2010-02-04T11:54:00.000-08:00

Well, Life just got a little more interesting here on the homefront. On January 17th we put our farm (our home for the last 4 years) on the market and now we wait. We found a house in town that looks promising, I guess we'll have to see if it's still there when we sell this one. In one of my favorite movies "Facing the Giants" there's this comment about two farmers praying for rain for their fields during a drought. One farmer just keeps begging and pleading with God while the other, after making his request goes out and starts preparing his fields to recieve rain...we don't really want to leave this place and yet we can see the writing on the wall. We've prayed for guidance but while we wait for his answer...we're preparing for rain by listing the house and looking for something more in our budget. So right now I'm writing all this with mixed emotions. On one hand we might be getting ready to embark on a new adventure on top of a fourth child and on the other it's scary leaving a place that you kind of thought you'd grow old on. As much as this was not my dream home, it is still a beautiful place to raise our children. We have 10 acres with a big beautiful lawn, a play ground (with monkey bars and club house) built completely by my husband (welder/farmer/carpenter). A big shop for my husband's many toys. A big fenced in garden for all of MY toys :smile. A giant windmill that I've been working on growing vining plants up. Lots of little flower gardens all over the place. A beautiful flagpole and display in the front yard. A stock tank...stocked with gold fish that amazingly have survived the winter!! Not to mention our menagerie of ducks, geese and laying chickens. I grew up in the country for most of my growing up years and we never had anything near this nice so it makes this place even more special. BUT we bought this farm when my husband was doing a different job and was making a lot more money. Then he witnessed an accident and stopped to help. He and another man were able to free two small children and their parents from a vehicle that had been rear ended by a semi at 60 mph. My husband and this man had to manually tear the rear end off the vehicle to get to the two small boys. One of them didn't live even though my husband gave him CPR and got him breathing again at the scene. In this incident my husband blew out a disk in his back and now can't ever return to that same occupation so he had to take a different job and a huge pay cut. So....we find ourselves here.... It's really overwhelming and on top of the pregnancy....well it's just a lot to deal with. One day at a time is my mantra as I try to keep the house spotless for surprise could be buyers while still keeping up with the boy's schooling. Change is good especially when you KNOW it's from God, but now we wait. The same day the realtor listed our home on her website, she got a call from a family wanting to view it...In order to show the house we had to shift into overdrive and work our tails off to plaster and paint and pack until it looks largely empty. It was good to be busy, working towards something but now...It's sort of depressing and yet at the same time It's freeing because there's really not much to have to pick up or keep clean. It's a gift in disguise I've decided. I do miss my decorations and it's hard sometimes feeling in limbo BUT I've all but decided to keep it this way whenever we get moved. It would be so relieving to give away most of what we packed or at the very least unpack with a very discerning eye for what we "need" and what we just "have"...that is when we have somewhere to "unpack". Anyway the people loved it, viewed it a second time this time with their kids, took measurements of all the rooms....and STILL have not yet made an offer...::sigh:: In God's time I know....It's almost painful at times to be still and wait on God but that's when we hear Him the best....so I'm trying to listen. The more I listen though the more frustrated I feel. My pregnancy keeps me so tired all of the time, not to mention a little short fused. The weather and our circumstances keep me from pursuing my garden plans. Even if we moved to town I wouldn't be able to have much if any of a garden besides pots of flowers here and there and I mourn that. Living out here was such a fulfillment of dreams for us and yet in some way it was a yardstick that I always fell short of. My garden was never weeded enough, I never was able to put up as much produce as I wanted to....no I'm selling myself short, last year was an awesome year and every subsequent year since the first has been better than the one before it so I really can't complain. I just don't quite understand where God is going with this town life we think he might want for us. I'm nervous about being bored isn't that silly? I imagine what life in town might be like good or bad it'll probably mean....having a clean (sparse, but tasteful) home, so it's easy to pick up, no garden to keep me busy outside, no pets, just my Children and myself most of the time. This scares me and yet isn't it what I'm always dreaming about? More time for my family and for my writing....keep me grounded Lord, please keep revealing Your plan for my life and fill me with energy and enthusiasm, creativity and joyfullness, and abundant follow through. I love You Lord and sincerely want to serve You with my life. Show me Your will Lord ~Amen

4th Chances

2010-01-10T20:18:00.000-08:00

For the last 4 years every January I get a letter in the mail...This letter is from a school that I attended briefly 4 years ago for maybe 4 months. The class I was taking was on writing children's literature and thanks to my parents and my uncle my dream of being a writer was partially funded, enough anyway to pay 2/3rds of the balance and get me well on my way. I dropped out because I was working full time and was discouraged and money was tight and lots of other excuses EVEN THOUGH I've always (since I was little bitty) believed God wanted me to write for him. So every year in January I look at this letter begging me to come back to them, saying they've kept my account open and maintained the balance I already payed them....anyway, so here I am tonight looking at the curricullum still on my shelf, the lessons still in their ginormous binder. I think of my passion and I believe God-given gift of writing. Then I think of how I've been praying lately in a arrow type prayer that it would be wonderful to have a way to help provide for our family and I wonder if this is God's answer? One thing that always stops me from writing is that I have no idea where to go with what I've written but helping you get published the first time is part of what this class does at the end....I'm going to pray about it....Lord, I come before you tonight humbled and asking your forgiveness for the ways I know I've wronged you. I love you and want only to serve you first and foremost. I know you love me also Lord and you know me inside and out so you know that tonight I am hopeful... confused... scared...wondering what you want me to do. Is it coincidence that Mom slipped that check for what I have remaining to pay on tuition in my pocket today, not even knowing that I would get this letter today? Is it coincidence that I've been wishing there was some way I could bring in an income. Has this been your will for my life for this whole time and I kept pushing you away? Please give me peace on this Father one way or the other. Let me glorify you in all I do and say! ~AMEN

Uninspiring

2010-01-08T07:30:00.000-08:00

Ugh, ok so I keep starting this....and erasing it and then starting all over again. My inspiration (at the moment) is sunshine, citrus, and birdsong and so far today...I've gotten arguing kids, baby squeals (almost as inspiring if at a different pitch), cinnamon wafting through the air (which would have been helpful if not followed by dirty diaper scent) and as for the sunshine it's there all right illuminating white and white and more white. I really hope that heaven is yellow and green but please not white (for some strange twisted reason it makes me feel institutionalized in my own yard). At least there's some hope of excitement on the horizon since to date I have not left my house (except to go the deep freeze in garage across the yard) in 5 days. We might get to visit my parents soon and finally give them their Christmas presents! Since I'm actually (gradually) starting to have less nausea I think I can handle making meals and what not.
I know I sound like I'm typing in monotone but that would probably be pretty accurate. The only real excitement I had (although very exciting in it's own right) was a fleeting moment yesterday when I was able to catch the baby's heartbeat on my friends doppler. I promptly called my husband and told him. It made it so real like "I'm REALLY having a BABY!" Anyhoosers the laundry room and dishes beckon me. Thank you God for the clothes and dishes to wash, I know it means we are well fed, and warm and cozy!

Birthday Presents

2009-12-22T12:58:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Haaaaaappy Birthday dear meeeeee, Happy Birthday to me! My hubby gave me one last birthday kiss before he headed off to work (we owe we owe, so off to work he goes....) and my oldest son roused me from my comfy nest of blankets by singing me happy birthday in bed and presenting me a present he'd bought with his own money. A king-size hersheys bar with almonds that I promptly opened and shared with all three of my boys (we just had a small piece each, I'm saving the rest for another time when the thought of rich chocolately things don't make me nauseous). My middle (currently) son felt inspired and wrapped up his little notebook from the fall carnival in an instruction manual he found on my desk and gave me that for a present. (How Precious!) My little boo baby in my belly gave me a gift too. For the first time in this pregnancy I threw up this morning, all day now I've been struggling with feeling a little yucky. I know I need to be eating more but I feel like in order to keep the MS in check I'd have to eat every hour and I DO NOT WANT TO GET FAT! Don't get me wrong I'm not starving myself but it's hard to find something that sounds good sometimes. I was reading earlier some ideas for beating this stuff and now all I can think about is some dill pickles (wouldn't you know I gave my last jar of homemade ones to my sister for Christmas?::smiles::) My sweety is supposed to take me out for supper tonight so maybe we can stop at the store and pick up some pickles on the way home....I also think I felt my little boo baby wiggling around so faintly. That's my real present! Anyway I'm hoping the weather holds off a little longer so we can indeed get to go out tonight. We are expecting a huge winter storm to hit at Midnight tonight and last til Christmas, I don't like bad weather but I'm so excited that we'll have a white Christmas!

God's perfect....everything.

2009-12-12T17:04:00.000-08:00

2000 and some odd years ago, Mary found out she was pregnant but with extenuating circumstances that would have made a veteran Mommy pale....but with extraordinary grace she humbly and bravely said "let it be to me as you have said". I wonder if at that moment, if she had said instead NUH UH! or if she had protested asking that it not be her this happen to if God would have told Gabriel, "Plan B, do the flashy thingy and tell her she's just dreaming" let's go to Marlene next door. But with God...there are no Plan B's, he doesn't need them, he knew the mettle of the woman he had chosen before she was even a glimmer on the pages of time, and he knew the man also, whom he had chosen to be her protector, provider, and the earthly father of our savior. Well anyway I've just been pondering these things lately and I just can't get over how amazing our God is, how perfectly he mapped everything out. I guess that is what gives me courage to face each day. As a Mom of 3 boys I'm constantly whipping around, gasping in horror, or screaming at my kids because they almost killed themselves or one of their brothers. Life is never dull, boring or uneventful, but it is exhausting physically and emotionally. If I didn't have God's grace to get me through, I suppose I'd just lay there in bed trembling all day, immobile with fear over what I might come up against that day. Thank You God for giving me strength, courage, and peace to be a Mother of sons. BUT can you blame me that when I found out a week ago that I was pregnant I prayed urgently (as I have for a long time now) that it would be a girl!? Lord I don't know what this child in my womb will be but I pray that you will give me continued strength, courage, and peace reguardless. I pray for a healthy, complete, normal, beautiful, and spunky child to fit right into our family. I pray that you would protect all my children born and unborn from abnormalities, health problems, mental/emotional/physical/spiritual problems and danger in all it's forms let them be wise enough to learn from our mistakes and lessons rather than having to go through the pain of their own. Help Dustin and I to be the loving, wise, Godly, and patient parents You have for us to be. I pray for a continued pregnancy and delivery that is healthy, normal and precious. Thank You Jesus, I love You!

And baby makes....6

2009-12-07T05:47:00.000-08:00

Well here I am again paddling down the river of pregnancy. I can't believe I'm here! I'm absolutely exploding to tell everyone and yet I haven't confirmed it at the Dr.s office yet so I can't yet. According to my calculations I'm about 7 weeks from LMP date so not sure how they do all that but anyway...for posterity sake I wanted to write down what I was feeling and thinking right now so that I can look back on this. I'm not regular so my missed MP wasn't a major tip off, but I've been having those stretchy twinges in my abdomen when I stand up too quickly. Soooo I finally strong-armed (haha) my hubby to take me to the dollar store so I could get a test. I took it Sunday afternoon amidst doing dishes and making scotcheroos and it was positive. I decided to wait to tell my sweety until at Bible Study later that night which was actually really hard. Once as I was heading back down stairs he asked me if I'd taken the test yet and I practically yelled "WHAT!?", so he repeated himself with an impatient look on his face and I simply said "You told me to wait til morning." and I hurried downstairs to get away from his prying face (phew that was a close one!) AND apparently I'm quite convincing because when our Bible study leader asked for praises and I said that "in late July, if all goes as planned, Bubba will be a big brother." Dustin looked like I'd side-swiped him with a semi. I thought at first he was mad at me but later he said "No, I was just shocked, I hadn't been expecting that." So all's well that ends well right? Well anyhoosers, right now I myself am a little bit in a state of shock. I know that I have responsibilities, and obligations outside of being a pregnant lady but everything some how just fell off the radar I guess. I feel like I have nothing to do but sit and twiddle my thumbs for the next 8 months (give or take a week). Christmas is fast approaching which means gift making, letter writing, and goody baking at the very least. PLUS I want to keep on task with doing advent with the boys and we're already a little bit behind since we all forgot to do advent last night ::sigh:: Dear Lord, I come to you this morning with a joyful heart but a little bit of an addled mind. Please help me Lord get my focus back on you and this beautiful holiday that celebrates your birth. I am so grateful Lord for this incredible miracle you've blessed us with, I'm just feeling a little spacey I guess....The reality of it all is that after this test today, and keeping up on everyday pre-natal vitamins there's really not a whole lot I can do with my pregnancy.
Later.................................Well I'm back from the Dr.s office where they confirmed through a blood test that we are indeed expecting again! My (current) EDD is somewhere between July 24th and 29th! I'm so excited and feeling much more confident now. We're going to tell our parents and the boys tonight! I'm also feeling much more real. Life has a way of just marching on whether you know what to do or not so I guess I don't really need to worry about what to do next. I have to go to the HHS office on Thursday to notify them, and in the next couple of weeks I'll schedule my first OB visit. Just like last time I want badly to switch doctors, but I guess we'll just have to see how it goes. My Dr and hospital are familiar and therefore comfortable but I'd like to try something different I guess. My dynamics with my Dr aren't the best, how I wish I could find an alternative medicine Dr. Well I'd probably better get off of here and do something with my boys before it's time to make supper.

Making a new start

2009-10-11T19:45:00.000-07:00

Lord I thank you so much for meeting me here in this way tonight. This weekend has been snowy and dreary and I'm feeling a little bit frustrated tonight. So much of my relationship with you is up and down and back and forth. I am never satisfied and therefore it is so hard for me to understand how you could ever be satisfied with me. But somehow...I am and beyond all comprehension...I thank you profoundly that you love me...the complete me. When you look at me you don't see me sitting at this computer tonight you see the little girl I was, the young mother I am, and the old woman I will become...all at a glimpse. You see every bad decision I've made and will make, every time I've made the right choice before, now, and in the future but most importantly you see my heart. I often don't understand my own motives but you always do and you love me. Please help me Lord to accept that gift of love without any strings attached. It's so big, You are so big for me to wrap my brain around so I'm not going to try I'm going to sit right here at this keyboard and just believe that You love the whole me, that You want to be the Hero of my story, in fact you already are, nothing I can do will change any of that. I believe you are never going to leave me. You paid my ransom with Your own blood and someday You will come back to carry me back to Your Kingdom. I confess Lord that I worry sometimes that I have missed something and somehow I'll stand before your throne someday and despite what I believe in my heart of hearts that I will be found wanting. That terrifies me Lord, because I want to be with you and I believe you died for me and that I am forgiven but my old self is still ever present getting in my way...no more. Tonight I hand over my anxiety, trusting that you don't want me to "miss" anything and you will not lead me astray. Reassure me and comfort me.Please help me to keep my eyes on you Father. I love you so much. I pray that you will feel the worship behind these simple words. Amen

Just Enough

2009-09-29T19:10:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting up tonight, waiting for my sweety to come in from drilling wheat. We're looking for a nasty change in the weather tomorrow night and he works during the day so tonight is the night he has to get the wheat in the ground. While I'm waiting I'm reading Little House on The Prairie and I'm imagining something more simple than the reality of my life. As I look around my home there' s so much I have on my mind to do but it's mostly pipe dreams at the moment, seeing as how we are almost all of us recovering from a nasty bout of stomach flu. My house does look better than it started out today but it's still so cluttered and untidy that it in itself make me almost nauseated. I wish I could pare us down to the bare necessities. Less things to clean, keep track of, put away. I find myself looking around to see what I have excess of. So Much. A sink full of dirty dishes that I honestly don't need so many of. Cupboard doors that won't stay shut, a huge pile of dirty laundry because I haven't been able to get to the laundromat since we got sick. Well...paring down on bowls and cups, would be a good place to start. I also have entirely too many pots and pans or maybe it's just lids I have too many of. My wardrobe could be pared down drastically. I have so many coffee cups but like my silverware and plates they all have sentimental value so I can't give them away but maybe there's a better way to store or display them...hmm I guess I could be like my friend with 8 kids. that would get me over any emotional attachment to glass items haha, love ya girl. ::sigh:: I don't know why I always get ambitious when I'm getting over being sick. Oh Lord I am turly so grateful for this bounty, in the face of all those that go without. I feel like a glutton, like when you eat too much sugar or just plain too much. I'm sorry that I have made my life about having all this...stuff. You my Lord are enough. You have provided me with a strong, smart, capable, loving man to be my mate and you have blessed us with 3 beautiful sons with hearty laughs and lots of imagination, please don't let me lose sight of all that and help me to be better organized so that I can focus on the things that are really important, spending time with you in worship, prayer and study. Taking care of my home immediately so that I don't procrastinate which only allows messes to grow. Being timely and patient with the boys so that we can get their schooling done efficiently, effectively and creatively. Thinking of little ways to show my Husband I love, appreciate and respect him. This is what life is about, help me to remember that on a moment by moment basis.

God is good all the time, all the time God is good!

2009-09-24T05:49:00.000-07:00

This morning I kissed my sweety goodbye as he headed off to work and then just to look at him a little longer I followed him onto the front step. It's brisk this morning and it looks like it must have rained last night. Already I'm beginning to smell that damp earthy smell that comes from the leaves as they form their carpet on the ground. Over at the coop the roosters are crowing and just for spice I can hear the (almost more loudly) ducks quack quacking and my geese honk honking. It is a fresh reminder of life returning to normal for the birds. We had a semi-disaster on Monday wherein our two dogs launched a frontal attack on the small coop and killed 11 of our 32 layers. I know they are just birds but it was still so sad. As I cleaned up after containing our dogs, I didn't cry but I felt deep grief and I felt like I had betrayed them. The injured dead and almost dead were all huddled up shaking in corners on top of each other as if stacking themselves would bring warmth and comfort from the pain and fear. I apologized to each one as I checked them out some I was able to sort off into another room. They would heal and be fine but others I carefully carried out to the wagon for disposal feeling all the time like I had let them down somehow. To add injury to insult later that day it appears that a weasel had gotten into our big coop with all of our pullets and teenagers (smiles). It only killed three which is surpising for a weasel who is notorious for killing sprees but I am so thankful. I hate dealing with death, especially brutal death like all of this has been. I grew up on a farm though so I know it's part of it but it doesn't make it all that much easier. I suppose that's why I usually try to distance myself from animals. I have the capacity for becoming very deeply attached to them and I've learned as a child that's a risky business. So I keep my distance. Now because of what our dogs have done, we are moving them to different homes and so we have to say goodbye to them. I've promised the boys however that we can get some cats instead. A friend has 5 kittens to give away and that would be wonderful but it might wait til spring since winter is fast approaching here and another farm lesson I've learned is that without a momma and some adoring older siblings. Kittens don't last long. I'd have a cat in the house but I'm allergic and I also have a hang up about animals in the house. They just make me feel dirty I guess. Not to mention....litterboxes aren't usually a good idea when you're pregnant and while I'm no yet....I'm hopeful in the near future.....(smiles)
Our washing machine is out of commission right now and so I'm going on my third week of having the honor of using the local laundromat which is I have to say taken very good care of. It's just a little pricey at a dollar a load for both washer and dryer. My dryer does still work but I've been giving it and myself a break by doing everything in one place which allows me to relax when I get home after having lugged all those baskets of clothes in and back out not to mention all the folding and hanging. The only other downside to add to the price is that is get's really warm in there and it really drains me. I tried for the first time yesterday to do it with the boys with me. I even brought along our school stuff thinking we'd kill two birds with one stone and it really backfired on me. All we got done was our math flashcards because my oldest didn't want to do math so he fought me on it the whole time and both of my oldest two were being unkind to each other and nothing drains me more than their constance squabbling over everything, especially when my oldest is 6 years older than my middle son and I expect him to be more mature which he often isn't. I love them so much it hurts and yet I find myself starting to get almost giddy that this weekend, my Husband and I are going to a the 300th consecutive sellout Husker Homecoming Game just he and I while my parents come and watch the boys. God is good all the time, all the time God is good...I'll expand on this next time....

READ THE DIRECTIONS!!

2009-08-01T12:57:00.001-07:00

Ya know that thing your mother always told you about cooking? The part where you're supposed to read all the directions before you start something...yeah well I um, usually forget that part, but don't worry I get my come-uppins every once in a while. I love growing my own produce and even more I love to see colorful jars lining my pantry put up by moi. So when my son brought a big bowl of fresh picked carrots in from the garden, I busily set to work preparing them for the hot water bath. Half way through the processing time I reread the recipe....the part where it says to use a Pressure canner leaped off the page at me this time....So here I am with 5 pint jars of carrots that I have to put in my fridge! On the positive side, at least I'm learning AND I'm absolutely loving the idea of pickling some of this stuff with vinegar and yummy herbs, in small batches as I find the time and have the fresh produce from the garden. I made two very small batches of pickles and I'm eagerly looking forward to blackberry syrup and homemade salsa and spaghetti sauce, at least those I KNOW how to make, well tata and happy canning!

A Season of Growth

2009-07-10T15:48:00.000-07:00

I'm not old, really I'm not....but I'm not as young as I once was either. Honestly though it's not even about age so much as it's about my sedentary lifestyle. I mean honestly with three boys ages 9, 3, and 1...I feel like I never sit down and like all I ever do is stand, run, walk, bend, hurry, hurry, hurry. But it's not the same as actual exercise and through a really strange turn of events I've come face to face with a part of me I don't like, the lazy part...or maybe it's not so much that I'm lazy as it is that I'm not great at committments. Committments make me feel trapped and so while I'm usually quick to committ I'm not usually so great at sticking it out. Now this makes me sound pretty bad and it even makes me question why being committed to my Husband is so easy for me, you'd think it wouldn't be. Another thing about me though is that once I get used to it I'm able to talk myself into it. I'm trying to remember if when my husband and I were first married if I ever got scared and wondered if it wouldn't just be easier to back out....I know I probably felt that way often in the first couple of years but I'm so glad that I stayed! I hope that God in me will help me overcome my trepidation about getting back into shape too. It's not just that I need to lose weight, because I'm not really overweight, I'm just not in shape and that doesn't go well with my "watch me do it" attitude. Doing things from sheer willpower when one doesn't have any muscle to back it up, is bad for backs....and neck....and pretty much everything. So here is to new things like sit-ups, jogging, pull ups, and push-ups! Keep in Your prayers.

Summertime is here

2009-06-17T12:54:00.000-07:00

Sunscreen, popsicles, fireworks, hail insurance, picnics, petunias, bugspray, garage sales, thunder, swimsuits, gardening, BBQ's, parades, geese ::smiles:: ...these are just a few of the things that come to mind as I embark on another summer of busyness. Spring has come and gone (well techincally not until June 21st) here on the prairie but just barely. We've had uncharacteristically wet and chilly weather that has hung on tenaciously. It's hard to believe that we didn't have any really bad thunderstorms until Monday of this week. A tornado was spotted about 9 miles south of us, we could just barely see it and it dissipated long before it got to us. This is the first year I haven't been truly frightened by the storms My other hobby that's been keeping me entertained out of doors (when my littlest munchkin is napping) is my goslings. They are just now starting to grow up a little and I think I have one male and one female. I haven't named them yet, since I wasn't sure. I'm considering Laura and Almanzo or some other famous country couple. It would be so awesome if they could nest and make more babies. I love the personality they have and it tickles me to watch them waddle after me wherever I go. When I get down on their level and talk to them, they get right up in my face and just chat right back fast and furious. I wish I had a way to keep them in the garden and still keep them safe from outside predators. Last night I put a little kids wading pool in the garden for them to swim in and they had a ball. I'm thinking of putting our old dog house in the garden for them with some straw in it and finding a way to close it up at night to keep them safe. When they get their wings, we'll clip the ends so they can't fly off and put themselves in danger. We have two dogs (labs) that would just as soon eat them as look at them, so I need to be able to keep the geese in the garden until winter that is. They are good weeders and love to munch aimlessly while they follow me around. I'm still not sure if they are brown chinese or touloose, that's another thing I'll have to wait to find out. We also have a duck, we had two but the big chickens pecked one to death. They almost did the same to Rexie the surviving duck (my 9 year old named her) but my husband rescued her. She's a bit worse for the wear but she'll heal. We visited my parents in early June and while we did have fun garage sailing and such, it was tempered by the news we recieved (just as we arrived) from back home. A dear loved one had passed away and we decided to wait until after we got back home from our trip to tell the boys. Between dealing with that, and the usual running around, we've had swimming lessons and also took part in our towns city-wide garage sale. We didn't make much but we did have fun. Well the natives are getting restless and I need to start supper. Chinese sounds good tonight. We're in for some bad storms, with possible hail to baseball size, winds to 70 mph, and isolated tornadoes, better go bat down the hatches.....and um cover up the tomatoes.

Nehemiah's Example

2009-05-15T06:47:00.000-07:00

So much has happened since my last post. Nothing that would scinitillate my readers...if I had any besides my sister (luv ya sis) but I feel like God is growing me in so many ways simultaneously. As a wife, as a mother, as a daughter, as a friend, as a leader, even as a Christian living in America. There are just so many frustrations, uncertainties, and at the same time...rewards. I've been trying to get back into the habit of having a quiet time at least once a day where I meet with Jesus, and despite my yearning for this time, I feel like I'm having to climb mountains to make it happen. With time I know it will get easier, and especially as the kids get older I will have a little more freedom but right now it's been so very difficult to even find time to do this without my kids fighting in the background, a dirty diaper making itself known, the phone ringing, or some timer going off. Today I sent my oldest to work with his Dad and while I miss his busy presence in the house, I'm hoping that a day apart will help to smooth things out a bit. I'm so tired of being so far from the Mom I want to be. Patient, Gentle, Understanding, Wise, Firm without yelling, Fun, Adventurous. I used to be so sure that I was going to be an awesome Mom. Through babysitting, VBS, camp counseling and other such things I had gained a pint sized following that adored me and sang my praises. Somehow though it all changes when they are your own kids. The main difference being that Sunday school kids go home with someone else, and your kids...go home with you. As one friend put it, "Sure you can be super-woman for 2, 4, maybe even 6 or 8 hours. But 24? Not a chance!" Why? Because life happens. As a mom and wife you have more to worry about then snack time and activity time. When your own little ones go to sleep, there's not going to be anybody walking in the front door with $20 to excuse you so you can go home to your nice clean house. This is the reality. Dirty dishes, messed up living room, wet floor in the bathroom, toy strewn bedrooms....and that's just one afternoon. At the same time it's only as a parent that you and your husband with great pride and wonder, can hover over those sleeping faces that resemble your own so much, and marvel at what love has wrought. I've worked my fanny off today for my family and for the most part it will go unnoticed. (as an aside, I just have to point out the irony that noone notices when you get things done, it's only when you didn't that they all start making some noise) But God sees the love (and sweat, and blood, and tears) that I pour out on them...but that's ok...I don't do it for the glory.

Hear My Cry

2009-03-23T09:17:00.000-07:00

I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD. Psalm 40:1-3
It is almost 11:30 in the morning and the scene around me would be comical if it weren't so maddeninly frustrating. My 1 year old (almost) and my 3 year old are hanging all over me while I type this. My oldest is working on his English at his desk, and I'm out here on the computer researching ADHD and help for distracted homeschoolers. I feel so frustrated right now. God has shown me over and over again that Homeschooling is where we are supposed to be but I had so hoped that by now my oldest would love it and it's just not happening that way. I know part of this is me and my high expectations of him. From time to time he tells me what he loves about homeschooling as opposed to public school and those moments are always small victories but in truth there is a lot of stress and frustration on both our parts. He cannot seem to stay focused on any task. I've read advice that says he needs me to be always present during school hours but it seems like when I sit with him, one of two things happens. Either his brothers follow me and distract him or just my being there causes him to think of 3 million things to ask me that have absolutely nothing to do with any part of school or our lesson............(an hour later) Well, lunch has been served, Daddy and I have cussed and discussed and my oldest is back at his desk hopefully with renewed vigor. Daddy talked with him and gave him some incentive....complete your task or forfeit participation in a particular upcoming extracurricular activity. We've been through this before with him and Daddy sees through it better than I do. First it was wetting his pants during the day (in 2nd grade!) frequently. We took him to a specialist who after one visit and one very painful procedure at another visit determined he must have an overactive bladder (because they couldn't figure out why he was having problems) and prescribed some pills. After researching the pills and all the side effects we opted not to give them to him. He jumped on the Dr.'s explanation and maintained that he could not help it. It wasn't until he was caught in a lie and faced with the option of returning to the Dr. for a 2nd opinion that he finally admitted that he could quit on his own....and HE DID. Next it was fainting. Once at school, twice at church, often at home. Finally we took him to the Doctor who pronounced him fine. Even after that he continued having "Spells" until threatened with not being allowed to ride his bike (so as not to have an accident if he had a spell while riding) then miraculously the fainting went away. So now it's these "dazes or trances" that he lapses into in the middle of everything, and his absolutely inability to focus and stay focused on his work. I think with all of these things that were so trying for us, I took him to the Dr. wanting something to be wrong, so that we could "fix it". But so far each time has just proven to us the ease with which he manipulates. I don't know if this has anything to do with his biological Mom not being able to be an active part of his life right now or if it's just his age, personality, or something he saw modled elsewhere but I'm so frustrated! As I said before, I believe strongly that homeschooling is right for us. I can't reconcile myself with shoving him off onto someone else to "figure out" or "deal with" As much as I can see the tremendous relief it would represent, I can also see that the most important things he needs to learn in this life are not taught at our local public school. Which brings me to this quote from Martin Luther:

"I am very much afraid that schools will prove to be the great gates of hell unless they diligently labor in explaining the Holy Scriptures, engraving them in the hearts of the youth. I advise no one to place his child where the Scriptures do not reign paramount. Every institution in which men are not increasingly occupied with the Word of God must become corrupt."Martin Luther

For me at this point, returning him to Public school would be like admitting defeat or saying "I don't love him" and I won't and I do! Please Lord help show me the way to get through to him, to encourage him, and to light a fire within him to desire to do well and please you with all that he does.

My Kentucky Gal

2009-03-21T19:40:00.001-07:00

I have to post twice tonight because something momentous is occurring tomorrow and I can't let it go undocumented. Our little neighbor lady and surrogate Granny is moving. Her Family has been increasingly concerned for her well-being and they've found a beautiful little apartment for her close to them. She'll go from being 1 mile away from me to being 1 1/2 hours away. I'm going to really miss her. I plan to visit every other month at least. I'd love to go every month but we'll see how finances play out. She is a simple country girl from Kentucky who was transplanted to the "Great American Desert" shortly after the close of WWII. You see,a handsome Nebraska boy who played in the Army Band caught sight of her while she was in the Capitol working throughout the Wartime, and well...who couldn't fall in love with her? It has not been an easy life for her but she has persevered and since the first moment I met her has been a colorful and precious character in my life. She is always sympathetic yet honest, and is always a willing listener even if her attention span has lessened in the last 2 years (I've known her for 5 or 6 years). Her stories and personality have become a part of my own family's memories and my boys will never forget their "Granny" across the field. Tomorrow is the close of a chapter in her life that has lasted over six decades but it is not the end. Even as I write this she's over there giving her family grief while they try to help her pack. She's having none of it and is, as always, full of spit and vinegar, and of course that prideful independence. I don't think God holds it against her though, he knows better than all of us why she's that way. Tomorrow I'll take my munchkins down that familiar road again and be there for her as she says a temporary goodbye to a farm that has housed her in various ways for the last 60 some years. I'll try to be brave and not cry, for her sake, and hopefully soon I'll be wheeling my way to the big city to have coffee and chew over the past, the future and the present with my dear sweet Kentucky gal.

My Stressometer

2009-03-21T19:25:00.000-07:00

Ah, peace. There is silence on the home front, save for the dull drone of the TV upstairs where my Husband is relaxing after a full day of chiseling (it's farming term, that even I a farm wife don't always remember the meaning of). All three of our precious little gentlemen in the making are tucked into bed. Even the littlest has fallen silent and that in itself is a huge blessing sent directly from God I'm sure. He's become quite difficult lately and I'm almost at a loss. I feel so dismal when I think of trying to make progress with him. He's figured me out and that's pretty unnerving. I'm not very good at things that take time, such as weaning. In my mind the process is this: Well it's been fun and I'm glad we could do this for a full year but seriously don't you want the sippy cup? AND Not to whine but that's not the only thing registering on my stressometer today. I broke my already broken stove top and my Husband (my dear, sweet, loving Husband ::teeth clenched::) and I disagree on how to replace it. I would like to take out the also broken but still functioning (as long as you have the food on the top rung in the front) wall oven and take out the cupboard underneath the stovetop, and put in a real oven with range on top. He sees a lot of work and would rather just replace the stovetop. He showed me a really big stove top for not a lot of money with a good rating and asked me (after we had ALREADY discussed it all) Is this what you want? I (being honest and not rude)told him no but if that's what he wanted it was fine. So now he's not getting me anything (he thinks he's punishing me for being uncooperative I'm sure) So I guess I'll be getting creative on how to cook meals for a family of 5 on a stove top with only two small burners. Honestly it could be a lot worse so I'll just thank you Lord that I still have any burners and any stove. I DO have that big griddle....I love you Honey.

Manic Monday

2009-03-09T08:58:00.000-07:00

Well I don't know about anyone else today but this time change has thrown me for a loop today! I got up at 8:00, fed my kids breakfast at 10:00 and haven't yet figured out how to convince my littlest guy that his AM nap is past due. I guess we'll have a late lunch and try to do better tomorrow. I cancelled school for today and told my boys that Mommy needs a day to get herself in line again. It'll mean doubling up on lessons here and there this week but in the long run it will mean a second chance at a successfull week. As as an added bonus hopefully I'll get all my laundry caught up and be able to get organized, I might EVEN find our missing science book!!

Second chances are God's grace and mercy in action, and I'm so incredibly grateful for them in my life. Why then is it so hard for me to dole them out to my kids? Lord I pray that you will equip me with mercy and grace and compassion for my kids, because ultimately Lord I want to look like you. Speaking of God's attributes I could use a healthy dose of his wisdom right about now. Increasingly I have had mounting disagreements with a handful of people who God has allowed to have authority in a spiritual capacity in my life. For the sake of keeping the peace I will not name names. I want to honor these people with discretion and the respect due them, but the nature of our disagreements is this: My husband and I believe that we (as Christians) should try to avoid all appearances of evil so as not to mislead those that are lost or confused or young and are inevitably watching us. Now I'm sure that these people believe the same BUT it doesn't manifest in their lives quite the same way as we try to display. Specifically, my husband and I have chosen to try to avoid any form of media/entertainment that contains swearing, adultery, sorcery, horror, lewdness, fornication, and such things that are definitely not God honoring. This isn't some perfect formula but it works for us. As you can imagine this severely limits our choices. Now, I want to make clear that I don't believe that my husband and I have all the answers or that our way is the only way but I do believe that a Christian life should reflect Christ and all that honors and glorifys Him. We all sin, and we all fall short which is where that grace thing comes in again...BUT we should strive to model Christ. Phillippians 4: 8-9 tells us to think only on things that are good, true, pure, lovely, honorable and so on. So why would a Christian willingly watch movies, or read books that contained ungodly content? I realize we can't stick our heads in the sand and hope the evil in this world just goes away but I also realize that as Christians we are supposed to be different and stand out. The Bible also tells us that we are to be in this world but not of it, so therefore I draw the conclusion that if it's of this world, we need to question it before embracing it, no matter how moving the story, intriguing the plot, awesome the action, or catchy the tune, or how much all the other "Christians" we know have loved and raved about it......by the way....I found the science book ::smiles::

Cowgirl

2009-03-07T21:06:00.000-08:00

Your hair whipping in the wind as you rise and fall to the cadence of hoof beats pounding out a rhythm so much like the beating of your own heart. The sensation of flying, the freedom of being out on the open prairie, the landscape rushing past, just you and your horse….what girl doesn’t dream of this at some point? I know I certainly did. As a young girl growing up in a rural community in Nebraska, being a cowgirl was the very essence of who and what I wanted to be. To me it represented bravery, strength, beauty, and freedom. I wonder…will I ever BE that girl I dreamed of being?……
Looking back I can see how so much of who I was growing up had to do with my Dad being gone so frequently driving truck. I’m not blaming him, I’m just saying that it had a profound effect on how I viewed myself and wished others to view me. I grew up always wanting to hide any signs of weakness from others. It didn’t matter how big or heavy something was, in fact the bigger the better. I wanted desperately to prove that I was capable and competent and not just that, but I wanted to impress. I’ve always been a little more on the short side, I know there are others far smaller than I but back in my hay day I was 5’2” and 105 lbs. For my body shape that was rather petite and so I strived to act bigger and stronger than I appeared. I said I wanted to impress, but I need to clarify, it wasn’t just anyone that I wanted to impress, I wanted to impress MEN. The more I think about it the more warped I realize I must be. I remember being a newlywed and helping my husband and father-in-law with a project. My father-in-law had purchased an older combine and we had to go pick it up. There were some extra pieces to load afterward, one of which was a 50 lb weight. I remember my father-in-law being impressed by my willingness to help load that weight and my ability to do so. I say this not to brag but to illustrate. 50 lbs really isn’t that impressive anyway and anyone who buys dog food or salt for their water softener can attest to that, but at the time that was almost half my weight and one has to ask themselves if that was being helpful….or foolish. Even now I look back and wonder “what exactly was I trying to prove and who was I trying to prove it to?” My other concern is “have I changed?”
I was reading this book the other day about this young girl wanting to be a trick rider in Buffalo Bill Cody’s “Wild West” show. Living only an hour and a half from North Platte and the historic location of Cody’s “Scout’s Rest Ranch” AND having been there 2 or 3 times myself , I can so easily put myself in her shoes. AND I don’t have to look back too terribly far to remember being 17 and longing to be a real cowgirl. You see I grew up in the country on a non-operating farm. My Dad trucked remember? All around us though lived my cousins on operating cattle ranches. I occasionally got to help with working calves or moving cattle to a new pasture. But even then I felt like the scared city-kid outsider. Don’t get me wrong. I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT!! But… I really didn’t feel like I belonged…so anyway…back to the book. I could definitely identify with the heroine of the tale desperately wanting something that looks so unattainable. Specifically I remember what it feels like to want to be that beautiful cowgirl riding around the arena, long hair flowing in the wind. But it’s more than just wanting her shiny tiara, fancy duds, and title banner slung across her chest. So much more. In fact I didn’t want to be THAT kind of cowgirl.
I have long held in high regard the pioneer women, who, standing alongside their men folk, helped to tame this land we live in and take for granted. They left behind all that was familiar and safe to go “wither though goest”. They walked countless miles beside wagons and sometimes had to bravely drive the wagon themselves as they forded streams and rivers. They parted with precious belongings and even their own precious children all in the name of supporting the men they loved, and often they lost those men in the process also. These same women found a way to make palatable and appetizing food with very little resources, they did their laundry in rivers and streams, nursed the sick and set the tone of hope and faith within their family circles. They birthed babies sometimes with no help other than their husbands and sometimes no help at all. They followed behind their husbands tamping down earth in newly planted fields, put out prairie fires with flour sacks doused in water while ashes singed their bare feet and blackened their fair faces. They lived in houses made of dirt where it wasn’t uncommon for chunks of mud to fall from the ceiling during a rainstorm or worse still, snakes and insects would “drop in” for lunch on the dinner table. They planted huge gardens and found a way to preserve every last thing they could so as to feed their family through the seasons of want…..ok so I’m passionate about this, which is where I’m going with this. These versatile and strong women are a part of my family history. One of my great great great aunts made her way west by HERSELF when she was in her twenties with just a hand cart! Here’s the sad part…many of these women didn’t make it. Sickness, childbirth, starvation, loneliness, and madness were constantly at their heels. The women that DID survive were the strong ones, the ones willing and able to adapt. To me they are the forerunner of the modern cowgirl.
To me a cowgirl is not just a gal who can sit a horse, circle a barrel, or de-ribbon a calf. She’s not necessarily all about tight jeans and brand name boots. She might not drive a brand new F-350 and contrary to popular belief she may never own a belt with her name on it. No…to me a cowgirl is a lady with spunk and grit but also with a softer side. She is competent and caring, alternating gentle and tough as per occasion. She can do anything she puts her mind to but doesn’t feel the need to attract attention and is most likely quite shy. A cowgirl is as willing and helpful in the home as she is out of doors and has a special tenderness for caring for those that are hurting or in need. You might indeed see her in arena or corral but you might also be just as likely to see her in the garden, in the kitchen, on a tractor, or in a pew at church. You can find her peeling potatoes, sorting calves, mending jeans, cradling a baby, or dancing in her sweet heart’s arms. This is the essence of everything I want to be and somehow I still feel lacking.
Reading this book the other day brought it all rushing back and suddenly I’m 17 again and I’m yearning for adventure and freedom, and a world full of possibilities. Don’t get me wrong I am not discontent. God has blessed me so richly and I hope so desperately that I return that blessing to him in the choices I make and the way I live my life but I also hope that someday I will more closely resemble the awesome and beautiful women I call cowgirls.

The Reality of Loss

2009-03-04T20:10:00.000-08:00

I went to a funeral today. A young woman from my MOPS group lost her husband to a freak ailment that they are saying they will hopefully identify in a month after doing an autopsy. He was 24 and leaves not only his wife behind but two young daughters (ages 2 and 4). I didn't know him and I don't know her all that well either. I went more because it's the "right thing" and because I have imagined myself in her shoes so many times that I almost feel as if I've been there. Today though, was very real, almost like a punch in the stomach and I find myself feeling like it's all so strange how her life has been incredibly altered by the lack of this man and yet my own life just keeps going. In her life too some things will not change. She has two little girls who still need to brush their teeth, eat their veggies, have a bedtime story read to them, and need clean clothes to wear. At first it seems so unfair but I think God provides the routine to keep us moving when the grief threatens to shut us down. My prayers are with her tonight and she will be in my thoughts frequently for a long time to come I am sure. In my mind I will also see the look on her oldest daughters face when they carried her Daddy out to the hearse. It was tear filled panic at the realization that she wasn't going to get to see him again and for a moment I wanted to beg them to put it back down and let her hug him and kiss him one last time. Then the moment passed and she was comforted for I'm sure the fiftieth time. I can't imagine trying to help my kids cope with something like that let alone dealing with it myself. So tonight my prayers will also be with her two precious little girls...that God would step in to fill the gap and that they would be able to tangibly feel the love and security from their heavenly Father and that they might take comfort in the fact that that can never be taken away. Thank you God that you have blessed my life and my son's lives with the my husband, but thank you also and even more for the strength and comfort you have always provided for me and will always provide for me, although I make a small request Lord that you not take any of my precious ones away from me or me away from them for a very long time. I know you would carry me through anything but I'd just as soon you not have to any time soon.

Along for the ride

2009-01-07T08:51:00.002-08:00

The key is in the ignition, the tires have been kicked, the fires lit...and everyone's gone pee. So we're off! Another year has begun and I've resolved to not make any stupid new year's resolutions....wait. Well ACTUALLY I'm just not going to advertise too loudly in case I'm a miserable failure again this year. In all honesty the only thing I'm resolved to do is to try again this year. I'm looking forward to all the blessings that having one more toddler age son (that is able to eat at the table with us, walk on his own legs, not to mention sleep through the night in his own bedroom!) will bring to our family. I have loved all three of my boys' babyhoods but when they are finally able to take an active part in the family it's such a weight off my shoulders. Here I am with my youngest just 9 months old and I still have not slept through the night since he was born. I think I'm holding up pretty well considering...In retrospect my middle son is closing on 3 and a half years old and it's gone by SO fast...I find that comforting when I start mentally counting months until my baby starts nearing an age that lends itself more to independence from Mommy. At the same time I do recognize how precious this time of DEpendence is, it's just that in comparison I enjoy the toddler years much more. Right now I get through each day just trying to give a little of myself to each of my boys so that some day when I look back I'll be able to take comfort in saying "I didn't let a day go by without reaching out to my children." I get so excited for the day when they will all be old enough that I can leave the house for an hour or two to play outside with them without the worry of who's sleeping in the house, who needs to be nursed, or over exposure of little bodies to hot, cold, or wind (the only three forecasts we have in Nebraska). I know someday I will look back and miss their sweet babyhood but right now that's a little hard to swallow. And to make matters much easier I've decided to wait a few years before having my little girl...hahahaha....I hope God is laughing. Just getting the middle two out of diapers before I have another one in them would be a great joy....and no I don't really hold any delusion of being able to control when and what I have, it's just a little dream of mine to top off my clan with a sweet little girl. It would also be nice to be able to get my boys old enough that I could focus on my little princess....dream dream dream. Well anyway I've blathered on long enough. Here's to another year full of adventure, comedy, drama, and romance...may it be exactly as God wills it to be!

A new meaning...to tough love.

2008-11-09T12:26:00.000-08:00

I've been having a hard time adjusting to the reality of our new President Elect. I cannot bring myself to think or speak respectfully of him although I know that is my responsibility. Some Christians out there might understand where I'm coming from and so I want to clarify this next part. I believe it's our responsibility to show Mr. Obama the respect that comes with his title and office, number one because we are adults and there are many little eyes that look to follow our example, number two because we are patriots, and number three and most importantly because we are Christians. Now anyone who knows anything about Mr. Obama might have a hard time believing he is born again and spirit filled and I happen to have that very difficulty myself so I need to elaborate. Again, Number one, none of us is perfect, therefore, number two it's not our place to judge whether or not he is what he says he is, and again most importantly as Christians we know that nothing happens without God allowing it to happen which means...choke, gag, cough, sputter........God has a reason for allowing Barack Obama to be our next president. There I said it. I believe as Christians it's our responsibility to love (breaking out in a sweat, pray for me) and pray for him. I don't even want to speculate about God's purpose in all this right now but have no doubt, God does have a purpose in this and all I really know right now apart from what I've already said...is that as a Christian, now more than ever we need to start looking for ways to show God's love. I don't believe this is the time to get down and dirty or "in your face" with our beliefs. There is a time for righteouss anger and like it or not that will be coming (From the big man himself), but right now, non-believers need to see Christians walking the talk, showing love non-discriminately but never wavering on what God tells us is right and wrong. Let's find something to do for God's kingdom, let's be busy about his work. A very wise man I know asked me just today. If Christians handled their finances the way the Bible tells them too, would we have the financial problems our country has? If Christians took care of the widows, the orphans, and their very own families the way the Bible tells us to, would we need welfare? and I want to add on a further challenge, If Christian parents (like me)raised their kids in the way the Bible tells us too, without flinching at what the world has to say about it....would we be fighting the battle against abortion that we are right now? If we taught our kids, that life is about sacrifice, not about getting what they want, not about making themselves happy but about pleasing the Lord and putting others before ourselves....what a difference that would make in our future. If we worried less about keeping up with the Jones's, less about what's "in", less about popular opinion, less about our kids having every thing they desire....what a difference that would make in our world.

The Day After

2008-11-05T13:42:00.000-08:00

I went to bed early last night in part I think to escape the inescapable. All my life America has seemed a safe haven, a place that at it's core was still clinging to the Godly standard it had waved at it's conception. I know I'm young and naive but I didn't know how truly innocent I was until I faced the first election that my candidate didn't win. The bigger picture isn't just that my candidate lost but that a huge majority of Americans chose to elect the most ungodly president this country has ever seen. Last night I felt so bereft...vulnerable, like a stranger in my own country....I woke up this morning and wandered to my computer to see what Fox News had to report to me. Then with a heavy heart I sat down to talk to God but somehow never quite made it to the actual conversation. I got caught up instead with the place God has me reading right now, in Jeremiah. Jeremiah was a prophet who was blessed or cursed with the responsibility of telling Israel that God was about to utterly destroy it. It was a discipline, a punishment for how corrupt they had become. God says "You have forsaken Me," says the Lord, "You have gone backward. Therefore I will stretch out My hand against you and destroy you; I am weary of relenting!" As I read this morning it was almost chilling the parellell between our country and fallen Israel. I draw comfort though from God's reassurance for Jeremiah :

19 Therefore thus says the LORD:

“ If you return, Then I will bring you back;

You shall stand before Me;

If you take out the precious from the vile,

You shall be as My mouth. Let them return to you,

But you must not return to them.

20 And I will make you to this people a fortified bronze wall;

And they will fight against you,

But they shall not prevail against you;

For I am with you to save you

And deliver you,” says the LORD.

21 “ I will deliver you from the hand of the wicked,

And I will redeem you from the grip of the terrible.”

Time will tell what is to come but I agree with threebyrdsnest~ " i think america has been asleep for a really. long. time." and "we've got work to do. you know who you are."

A Season of Change

2008-11-02T06:25:00.000-08:00

The first frost has come and gone, the grass is slowly dimming and everywhere yellowed leaves flutter through the bright blue sky like so many leathery snowflakes. Can it really be November? The constant rumble of combines, grain carts, and grain trucks on the gravel road in front of our house confirms that fall is here. My baby turns 7 months today and looking back, his infancy has just flown by. As much of a cliche as it is, so has this entire year! I feel so old saying that but it's so very true. Every year it's the same pattern of thought. The passing of time, the natural order or cycle of things, and with everything else that God has brought to pass, his creation points to him. I've always loved this time of year which is odd considering that for many this season ushers in sadness and melancholy. For me it's like a big yawn and stretch before a cozy nap. Don't get me wrong, I love summer but with it comes the obligation of added responsibilities (the gardens, summer cooking, busy schedules, and of course let's not forget having to shave our legs a lot more ::smiles::) Fall symbolizes the beginning of time together "like it or not". I love baking and making hearty stews that warm us up and comfort us when all around is just the opposite. For me though, the best part is the time spent together because venturing out is less appealing. There's really something in that image of a bright and warm fire crackling happily in the hearth while snowflakes drift down outside. Fall is the exciting prelude to that scene, and somehow, at some point, it became almost as exciting itself. At one point in my life Fall was special because of the beginning of the school year (even when my oldest son started school I still felt that way), since we started homeschooling this year though, that has definitely changed my outlook on that perspective. I'm slowly forming new opinions and finding new things to look forward too. In Nebraska, Fall is synonymous with Cornhusker football season and this year it has been an extra special blessing in the form of some new friends. Another Christian homeschooling family in our neighboring town. The family of 10 has welcomed us in and to date we've spent 4 or 5 Saturdays and very early Sundays with them. Watching football, making homemade pretzels and runza's, D and I teaching them to Dance in their living room, and sharing the depths, and widths, and heights of marriage and parenting. Meeting them and becoming friends is a much treasured answer to prayer. There have been challenges this season too. I feel like I'm relearning to be a parent and that is a challenge that I sometimes want to question God on.The biggest challenge for us this year is one that many can identify with us on...making a decision to sell our farm or not weighs heavy on our minds and hearts. I feel like a teeter-totter most days. I spend a half hour washing dishes and convincing myself of all the pro's that come with living in a small town, to turn around, take in my kitchen and have a pang of loss take my breath away. It's just a house and a farm-yard...and yet it's not...it's our home. The old adage is true, Time WILL tell. I believe God will take care of us and grow and bless us no matter where we are and if we are faithful to truly seek his will, he won't hide it from us. The wind will grow colder, the snow will fall, all around us the earth will go to sleep and time will march on towards a new beginning and ultimately THEE new beginning. I used to be afraid of Christ's return but now sometimes I long for it. Our world is so full of pain and tragedy and it hurts to see what God had intended as a blessing decay to what we are now. I'll leave you with this:

17 “ For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth;

And the former shall not be remembered or come to mind.

18 But be glad and rejoice forever in what I create;

For behold, I create Jerusalem as a rejoicing,

And her people a joy. 19 I will rejoice in Jerusalem,

And joy in My people;

The voice of weeping shall no longer be heard in her,

Nor the voice of crying.

20 “ No more shall an infant from there live but a few days,

Nor an old man who has not fulfilled his days;

For the child shall die one hundred years old,

But the sinner being one hundred years old shall be accursed.

21 They shall build houses and inhabit them;

They shall plant vineyards and eat their fruit.

22 They shall not build and another inhabit;

They shall not plant and another eat;

For as the days of a tree, so shall be the days of My people,

And My elect shall long enjoy the work of their hands.

23 They shall not labor in vain,

Nor bring forth children for trouble;

For they shall be the descendants of the blessed of the LORD,

And their offspring with them. 24 “ It shall come to pass

That before they call, I will answer;

And while they are still speaking, I will hear.

25 The wolf and the lamb shall feed together,

The lion shall eat straw like the ox,

And dust shall be the serpent’s food.

They shall not hurt nor destroy in all My holy mountain."~Isaiah 65: 17-25

Looking for a season of Change

2008-09-26T11:40:00.000-07:00

Well the wind is blowing again Lord, and with it comes a desire for change in my life. Help me to find your hand outstretched to guide me. Give me contentment if no change is in the immediate forecast, and prepare us if it is. Thank You Lord.
I recently was reading a book by Max Lucado and in it he breaks apart the 23rd Psalm. When he talks about "He leads me beside still waters," he says "God isn't behind me, yelling, Go! He is ahead of me, bidding, Come! he is in front, clearing the path, cutting the brush, showing the way. Just before the curve he says, "turn here." Prior to the rise, he motions, "Step up here." Standing next to the rocks, he warns, "Watch your step here."....and then he sums up the human condition (or one of them anyway) the desire to know "What next?" he says "God isn't going to let you see the distant scene...so you might as well quit looking for it. He promises a lamp unto our feet, not a crystal ball into the future (Psalm 119:105)." He goes onto say..."We do not need to know what will happen tomorrow. We only need to know he leads us and "we will find grace to help us when we need it" (Heb. 4:16). Something about fall always bring about a desire for change inside of me and this year I think it's more influenced by my frustration with the state of my home, and with an overwhelming need for support and family. I want to have my Sister and my Mom close by I want to decorate for fall, Make plans for Thanksgiving. I want to sit down with them and drink coffee with tiramisu creamer and chat about life, kids, marriage, and other natural disasters...kidding. All jokes aside I miss them terribly I miss "family" My husband's family are nice people but they aren't all Christians so we often dont' see eye to eye, there are no young families close by in his family and they are so different from my own family. What makes it even harder to bear is knowing my Sister and my Mom are both hurting and going through difficult times. I know I can't fix it for them but I wish I was there and able to come along side in a physical way.
Thank you Lord for family and phones. Thank you for dreams and seasons, for fall colors and hot coffee on chilly days and nights. Please let me be a blessing to my family in whatever way I can. Thank You Lord I love You, Amen.

Letters in Red

2008-09-19T12:56:00.001-07:00

TGIF!!! Don't get me wrong Lord. I love homeschooling and I can't imagine ever going back to public school after having homeschooled...but just like normal school a break is always nice to look forward to! Thank you Lord for allowing us to homeschool and for the progress I see daily in my boys. Thank you for my oldest's new found fascination with the letters in red and for the special times we've had this week reading in your word!
As a Christian parent in a hostile world, teaching my kids about Christ and even more important, making a case for being a Christian is a moment by moment challenge. It seems sometimes like everyone is against us. Sometimes when I'm particularly frustrated, my fight or flight reflex kicks in and I'm sad to say I WANT to choose flight. I want to pack us up and move to the mountains and just figure out how to do things completely on our own without all the negative influences....but I'd miss Sonic's strawberry limeades, and I'd really miss my washing machine, so I tell myself that we just need to keep fighting the good fight ("I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7) ...then I reward myself with a strawberry limeade. Yesterday though I got a different type of reward. My oldest suddenly started showing an intense interest in what the letters in red were in his Bible. When I told him they were God's words or Jesus' words it sparked something in him and he started wanting to read his Bible or have me read it to/with him all the time. No it doesn't mean he's going to seminary or anything like that but it's so special to finally see that fragile ember I've been trying to coax into a spark (for 8 years!!) start smoking.....and you know what "they" say...."where there's smoke, there's fire."!!!
Thank you Lord for progress. Thank you for answered prayers, and the gumption to keep on keeping on when it looks or feels like a lost cause. I've seen you answer so very many prayers in the short time we've been married! Please continue to mold me into the Wife and Mother my family needs and the woman you have for me to be. Please create a special bond between M and I, help me to "get" him and to have the patience to communicate with him on his level so that he can grow into the kind, integral, honest, hard-working, God-fearing young gentleman that I dream of all my sons becoming. I love you Lord, Amen.

Chapter 1

2008-09-13T23:15:00.000-07:00

Hello Lord, Thank you so much for a day full of blessings. Thank you for the outlet that Little League Football is for my husband and my oldest. Thank you for precocious little boys (mine and others) that grow up to be the heroes in real life stories. Thank you for the Godly people you have surrounded us with. Most of all thank you so much for bringing my husband safely through his surgery. I know I could live without him, you would give me the strength, but I don’t want to Lord. Thank you Lord for this awesome week with him at home recovering and the time together as a family.
My story starts when I was just a little girl dressing up in an old slip and stuffing a balloon up the front. I was all ready to pop out my baby on the honeymoon. Mom always said first the wedding then the baby. She didn’t say anything about a time gap of 9 months so the honeymoon sounded good to my 6 year old mind... I suddenly feel overwhelmingly responsible for my Mother’s gray hair…When we’re little everything is so cut and dried. Mom and Dad never lie, the good guy always wins, and true love is just waiting around the corner in the form of the high school sweetheart your going to marry...but we all have to grow up…sometime, (I’ll let you know when I do). Thank you Lord for the innocence of our children, I cry for the little ones who don't have the security and comfort of my own childhood and for the innocent babies killed everyday who will never know a mother's arms. Rock them in your arms Lord, show me how I can help them. And Lord....please help me not to squash that beautiful innocence in my own children. Goodnight Lord.

Kicking the tires and lighting the fires

2008-09-12T20:31:00.001-07:00

Well Lord, I hereby kick this dandy little shindig off by dedicating my BLOG to you and your glory. I don't want to sound like one of the pharisees just writing to show everyone how holy I am. You and I both know what a work in progress I am.
To my future readers, writing has long been a passion of mine. I have always dreamt of writing something truly signifigant...but...much like the coffee shop/quilt shop I'm going to open in our small town of 700 people in rural Nebraska...someday, life has not yet supplied me with the time for such an undertaking. With three little boys (and one big hairy one) I keep busy enough with homeschooling and housework (or not) to keep me sidelined in this area but still it would be nice to have my own little soapbox to climb up on from time to time, and more importantly a lap that I can curl up in that will also provide a window into a heart that loves God and strives to be more like him. It has been fun creating a little something that is all mine (and God's). Our own little place to chat, a prayer closet so to speak (with an audience). For those of you who may think it's wrong of me to share my private moments with God I want to reassure you that this is not the only time I spend with him. My real prayer closet is a truly private time but talking to God here is special also because it's a reflection of what makes me, me.
Anyhoosers, I don't want to sound self-centered (something I battle with sometimes) I hope it's not wrong to want a little space of my own. I fully intend and desire to honor God through my BLOG but I have to say it's so nice...I don't have to share it with 4 male members of my household (although I'm sure my husband will read it from time to time). Noone can spit up on it, backwash in it, sneeze on it, eat it all and say "sorry Mommy" or "you didn't want that did you honey?", noone can color on it, stain it, break it, lose it, or...change it.
Thank you Lord. Thank you for this outlet and for the wonderful people I know I will meet, for the ways I hope you will use me, and for the gift of writing.